Yesterday was your half birthday and you are now officially a 4 and a half year old. As I watched you yesterday, clinging to my leg as I dropped you off at school and waving to your friends when I picked you up, I just thought what a beautiful, independent being. And if you heard my inner thoughts, you would say, Mama, I'm not beautiful, I'm handsome.
As I type this, your brother is napping, your playing in the living room independently and completely alone and having the time of your life. I haven't checked on you in like an hour, and I'm sitting in the rocking chair, just rocking as I listen to the sound of your voice as you play with your train tracks and every car we own.
And I can't help but smile.
Jack Emmet, my firstborn, my unbreaking, the one who started it all. I adore you.
Your imagination is beautiful, your heart is pure gold.
It's such a joy to watch you evolve into a being a part from me. I truly can't even put it into words.
You are such a character and a performer and you make the funniest faces.
You are loyal and compassionate and so sensitive to those around you.
You love to pretend and make believe and you cherish the two hours of playing alone that Ryan's nap grants you.
A few weeks ago we went camping, and you just turned to your dad and I and said I need some time alone. And we smiled at each other and watched you run off to the edge of the campsite as you pretended to shoot bad guys and use your powers in your make believe world.
I was so blown away that you knew what you needed and you were able to put words to that need. May you continue to do this, may God grant us the wisdom to raise you up to be a man that speaks truth, that is willing to speak his heart and make his needs known.
You are the best little buddy. And I love spending time with you.
You appreciate routine and knowing what's going on the next day - where we're going, who we're going to see. You aren't bothered if plans change, but I think you just like having the heads up, so you can anticipate what's coming.
And you always have a bag full of things, whether it's a bag you've packed to go camping with dada complete with a little toilet paper and a fork and a random assortment of things, or a bag of your lego guys or a bag of random things in a little brown bag to take in the car with you. It's hilarious - give you a bag and you'll fill it with the essentials.
You my child have such a sensitive and soft heart. My hope and prayer for you is that you come to know the Lord, that you hear His voice and trust His goodness. My hope and prayer for you is that you grow up knowing who you are and whose you are, that you believe your worth is in the Lord rather than in the world, that you can own who you are and claim it and declare it to the world, while also recognizing the need and power of growth and transformation, that you are fully confident and comfortable in your own skin and feel full freedom to share your heart and your emotions with the world without fear of rejection.
May the Lord fill you in a way the world never can. Every single day I release you to Him, as you are not mine to hold onto.
Jack Emmet, it is truly a joy being your mama and one of my greatest privileges.
I love you to the moon and back,
Mama
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