It's been a month since my aunt died completely unexpectedly. I'll never forget the phone call from my dad. I was on my way home from the park with all my children, and I had a few missed calls from my dad, which was a little unusual. I was curious as to what it was all about, so I called him back, and I knew something was up straight away. He paused and just took a deep breath and said Laurie is dead. I gasped and asked questions as I do, and couldn't hurry home fast enough. I called Peter just crying and told him I needed him to meet me outside the house, and I started running home with all my kids and a strider bike.
To say that news was one of the biggest shocks of my life truly isn't an understatement. I feel like I'm still reeling from the timing of it all. She had JUST retired early. She had JUST closed on the sale of her Seattle house. She had JUST finished relocating to her new Tacoma home. We had just had a conversation about coming to her house for Father's day as a housewarming/Father's day celebration. And I keep thinking about all the things that were left unsaid, all the questions left unasked.
And I still can't believe she's actually gone. Today we gathered with my mom's family to celebrate her life, and I just kept thinking, she should be here with us. And last week when we gathered for the 4th of July, I had the same thought. And I'm sitting here in the dark, as it's the only time I can carve out time to write, and I'm just wondering how long a person has these types of thoughts for.
To be honest, I was 35 when someone really close to me died, and it was my 94-year-old grandma. And I'll never forget receiving that news from my dad, only to receive that same news from my dad a week later in regards to my other grandma's death. So in a matter of a week, I lost both my grandmas, but they were 94 and 93 they had both lived very long and full lives and their death did not come as a shock to me but rather as a relief to be honest. And my aunt's death was so shocking, that I don't think I've fully processed it all. One day she was alive, and the next day she wasn't. And I think we're all traumatized by the suddenness of it all, my parents especially. My mom especially - she has experienced so much loss and trauma over her life, with her brother tragically dying at the age of 17, her dad dying at 64, her mom dying at 93, and now her sister at 64. She's the only one left from her original family unit of 5. And I just can't imagine that loss, how deep it runs.
And so tonight I come to the keyboard with a heavy heart. My heart aches for the loss as we are just filled with grief. And as everyone has reminded me, this has been a tough year for my family, covid aside. We've just walked through alot of stuff - with a stroke, a pulmonary embolism, a job loss, a new babe in the family, developmental issues with my kids, a new relationship, and now the loss of my aunt. It's felt like alot, and yet, we've also never gathered so much or loved each other deeper than we have this past year. And we saw so much of my aunt this past year, and I'm so grateful for that time.
We had all gathered just a few weeks before my aunt died for my brother's birthday, and I said to my family, I don't even remember saying goodbye to her. And my sister said I remember you hugging her and telling her you loved her, and I'm so grateful for that memory of hers.
There are so many memories over the last few years - some of my favorites are just her stopping by my house unannounced as she lived just 25 blocks from us, the most recent being her stopping by just a few months ago when I was in the bathroom and I remember coming out and she was just sitting on my couch with a smile on her face, waiting to greet me. And another time was when I was having a hard day, and I think I was crying when I heard a knock on the door and I remember looking through the peephole and seeing her face on the other side and opening the door wide to allow her into that moment with me. And I remember asking her how she knew I needed her, and she said I didn't, I just wanted to come over to see you guys and so I did.
So many holidays spent together, so many birthdays celebrated, so many random family dinners. So much joy and so much laughter, even amidst all the hard things she had overcome in her 64 years. There are so many things I will miss, but mostly I'll just miss our conversations and her beautiful presence. And I am eternally grateful for the countless memories we had as a family over the last few years. She loved us all so, so big, with everything she could, with so much generosity and in such abundance. And I am forever changed by that love.
This loss has just reminded me to not take a single moment of this life for granted. Make that phone call, kiss your partner, hug your loved ones. stop by to say hello to that person you're thinking about, do all the things, don't wait. None of us are guaranteed a day.
She believed in the sheer goodness of people, that there is always light amidst the darkness. That is who she was and that is who her Heavenly Father is, always providing light in that darkness. So while she may not be here with us in body, she will always be with us in spirit.
Lord she is yours, and you have called her home.
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