The post itself is really great, so make sure you read it, but it got me thinking about what the letter to my pre-mom self would say. I spent the last hour perusing photos from a different time in my life, a time when the words wife and mother did not characterize me. A time when I wasn't even anyone's girlfriend. And if I'm honest, it feels like a lifetime ago.
It feels like a lifetime ago that I was in college, studying abroad in Mexico, with so few responsibilities. It's been ten years since this photo was taken, but I remember this person and this moment as if it was yesterday. And this photo depicts my spirit at the time so well - Smile on my face, hands up in the air, footloose and fancy free without too many cares or responsibilities in the world. I would wake up when I wanted and walk the beach every morning. I had hours and hours of time for myself. I didn't have to worry about a mortgage, a car payment, nap times, laundry, or whether or not we had food in the fridge. I just had to worry about myself.
It all sounds so selfish right? And if I'm honest, rather glorious spoken from the mom that is in the trenches of caring for a toddler while also nursing a newborn and attempting to get some hours of shut eye in between the laundry, the dishes, the grocery shopping, the tidying up, cooking dinner, etc. I give of myself all the time. And it's exhausting.
You will give of yourself till you feel as though there's nothing left. And you will do it all willingly, and most of the time with a smile on your face! And the craziest thing is that you will do it not once, but twice, and maybe a third time because the joy these little people bring to your life is truly mind blowing.
Don't get me wrong, you will look forward to bed time for the little people and for yourself every single night, but you will also look forward to seeing their sweet faces in the morning.
You will be different. There's no way around this one. You will be transformed and refined in more ways than you ever dreamed you needed to be.
Your body will be different. Ain't that the truth! Your hips will be a little wider and your boobs a little bigger. And you may feel as though your body will never be your own again. You are either pregnant, breastfeeding, losing the baby weight, or pregnant again for the second time and breastfeeding and trying to lose the baby weight all over again. But someday it will be your own and someday with determination and drive you will fit back into those pre-pregnancy jeans and then remember that you hate jeans and that you never wore them even before you were pregnant!
Your marriage will be different. This is very true. It will be different, and like I said before, you will feel as though you have given so much of yourself to your kids that the thought of giving of yourself and serving your husband will sound exhausting. And you will want to keep score - how many diapers have you changed today? How many times have you gotten up to soothe the baby? How many times have you put him down for a nap? Don't do this. It's not pretty. You don't want to be that person, that wife. Nor does he want that. Seeing your husband as a father is simply beautiful! And that beauty will take you places. Focus on that.
Your house will be different. Your house will be VERY different. I had to type it a second time to emphasize how true this statement is. I could have even typed it a third time, but you get the point. I know your house is your haven, where you find peace and rest, and when the house is a mess it's hard for you to experience that peace and rest. Let it go. Be okay with dishes in the sick and crumbs on the carpet. The dishes will eventually get done and the toddler may even consume the crumbs on the carpet!! Haha! Remain calm when your crazy toddler knocks his plate of food off his highchair tray or when that same toddler eats crackers and leaves his trail of crumbs all over the house and steps on that cracker piece that he dropped on the carpet right after you vacuumed it. No this has never happened in our house (insert sarcasm). Remain calm when toddler dumps out entire contents of toy drawer just to get to his instruments that are way in the back so that he can dance. Again, this has never happened in our house (and again insert sarcasm). Embrace the fact that your child loves to eat, that he's full of joy, and that he absolutely LOVES to dance!
Your house will be different, but it's okay because not only will you be different, Your whole life will be different. And let's be honest, your life will never ever be the same again, and that's okay. Your brother will come over before going to a late night movie and he will talk about going away for the weekend, and you will get jealous. Gone are the days of spontaneous date nights, and late night movies, but that's okay. And don't worry, that jealousy is extremely short lived as you weigh the joy of late night movies vs. the joy of having your boys in your life. Not a very fair scale I know, but I have done this.
And a void will be fulfilled that you didn't even know existed.
And that is what I would say to my pre-mom self.
Bold bits have been taken directly from the blog post.
Read the post - A Letter to my Pre-mom Self - and then follow the blog Coffee + Crumbs or like their page on facebook so their newest posts will show up in your newsfeed! They have some amazing blog posts that I have really enjoyed reading. And I just love what their blog represents and stands for - "Coffee + Crumbs is a collection of stories about motherhood, love, truth, and the good kind of heartache. At the very core of this space, we want all moms to feel less alone. Our writer team is made up of nine imperfect mothers, figuring out the mystery of parenthood one day and mistake at a time. Coffee + Crumbs is where we share our stories along the way, regularly practicing our collective mantra of grace > guilt. It is our mission to encourage mothers around the world through the power of shared experiences and beautiful storytelling."
And let me just say those nine imperfect mothers have definitely encouraged this imperfect mother.
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