Wealth.

As I was driving home from work yesterday, all these thoughts were pouring into my brain and impacting my heart. I quickly reached for a piece of paper and fumbled through my bag for a pen and started writing my thoughts onto this said paper in hopes of posting them here for you all to read. Don’t worry all of this writing took place while I was stopped at a red light. I was on my way to pick Peter up from work and I was all ready to talk and pour my heart out…poor guy.

He listened to all of my thoughts and concerns…one of them being that he and I haven’t really talked about Africa since we have been home. Another being that I am tired of talking about Africa and feeling as though I have to filter my words and my thoughts in order to cater to the person that I am speaking to. Also, I can’t help but wonder if people are simply asking about our time in Africa merely out of obligation or if they actually really care. Terrible thoughts I know, but let’s be honest we all know they are real, and we all are guilty of this – of asking someone about their time away somewhere or how their weekend was simply because it’s the nice thing to do.

Well let it be known that I am tired of all those nice people out there!! Thanks, but no thanks! I want to talk to people about Africa who really WANT to hear about Africa. I can give an easy, generic answer… “oh it was great, thanks for asking!” but those simple answers do not do my heart nor the experience justice. I am tired of the short answers. The short answers are what people want to hear, the short answers are what people have time for, BUT the problem is I always want more time. I want more time to talk about the children, to talk about what COTN is doing, and to talk about how all of it has left its imprint upon my heart.

To be honest, I have found myself asking people about their months of May so that I won’t have to talk about mine – so that I won’t have to feel the ache that still remains in my heart. Short answers do not do my experience justice and the reality is all the time in the world wouldn’t do my experience justice. So I will save you all the time and instead give you the option of reading my thoughts here.

My time in Africa challenged my way of thinking. My time in Africa challenged my concept of equality and my concept of wealth. What does it mean to be wealthy here in the states? What does it mean to be wealthy in Africa?

So many people will have so many different answers to these questions, but the reality is wealth is relative. I may think that amongst our family and friends Peter and I would be considered poor. Now I don’t mean begging on the street poor, but I just mean we live very simply. We rarely go out to dinner. We rarely spend money on date nights. We have one car. I rarely buy flowers. I can’t tell you the last time I bought myself a new clothing item. And the list could go on…but it won’t because Peter and I have been blessed abundantly, and I don’t want those of you reading this to think that I am complaining about the way we live because I am not. I have realized that living simply has allowed us to find true joy in the small things, and it has also forced us to examine the extravagant lives of those in the states.

Even though I feel impoverished amongst our family and friends because of the simple way we live and our small sacrifices, it is all relative. Wealth is relative. We have a car which in African wealth terms makes us wealthy. We are educated not only with bachelor’s degrees, but also with master’s degrees, which in African wealth terms makes us wealthy. We have food in our fridge, clothes in our closet, pots, pans and plates in our cupboards, and money in our bank account, which in African wealth terms makes us wealthy. The catch is it also makes us wealthy here, and I think we quite often forget about all the people that go without and the poverty within our own country. The Africans found it hard to believe that we had homeless people and beggars in the states…They would ask, but it is such a wealthy country? You have everything there? So many opportunities, why are people poor? And to be honest, I didn’t have an answer for them…why are people poor? Why is the system unequal and why are people continually being pushed down the ladder by those moving up? Why have we not done anything and why do we let things continue as they are?

So many questions to ponder…and so many answers I do not have. But I do know that
sometimes I feel ashamed of the wealth in this country. I even found myself feeling ashamed of MY own wealth in Africa – we have a camera, a computer, an itouch, ipods, tons of clothing options, multiple pairs of shoes, and back home we live in a brand new apartment FULL of THINGS, such as a few more cameras, a broken computer, a TV, couches, a comfy bed, snow skies, fishing poles, more clothes and even more shoes.

Even though we didn’t carry all of these things around with us and our tangible wealth was hidden behind the doors of the duplex, we quickly learned that the white color of our skin was enough to denote wealth. Our skin color alone carried the symbolism of wealth. At first these assumptions angered me and left me frustrated. I even found myself thinking… “if they only knew that Peter hasn’t been paid in months…if they only knew how poor we were and how little we have to give financially, then maybe they wouldn’t assume such things” (makes me laugh now thinking about my ignorant thoughts). But the reality is their assumptions are true. We, Peter and I, have SO much stuff!! If we were just basing our wealth on the accumulation of all of our things, we would be considered wealthy, and that doesn’t even include our levels of education or the fact that we were able to travel TO Africa in the first place.

It is easy to loose sight of ALL the things we have when they simply fill the open space in our apartment or house, but ALL of these things are made real when you move from one place to another – when you are forced to pack up ALL of your stuff. How long would it take you to move? How many boxes would you have? How many moving trucks would you need? How important are all of these items in the first place?

What is it you spend your money on? What could you go without? How could you live more simply? I have been challenged this past year to live more simply and God has blessed me abundantly. My hope and prayer is that Peter and I will continue to question our buying motives and our need to live up to the status quo and that we represent Christ with the way we spend our money and ultimately the way we live.