Jack's Birth Story - Part Two

Let's see...where was I?  Click here to read Jack's Birth Story - Part One, and if you have already read that...then read on!

As they wheeled me away in a wheelchair, I just kept saying this is a really big deal!  "I have never had surgery before...I have never gone through any of this before...This is such a big deal!"  The poor Drs. and nurses.  And let's be honest, I just wanted my husband.  Everything was so very unfamiliar, I just wanted one person that was familiar.

So they wheeled me into a room that was too white and far too bright for my liking - kind of reminded me of the movies to be honest.  I know, I know - so very cliche, but it's the truth.  And as I sat on the operating table waiting for the anesthesiologist to insert something into my spine, I took it upon myself to inform them that today was the worst of days for all of this to happen...I had been throwing up all day...I was so hungry and so very thirsty and just plain sick.  And I even tried to warn them that if they laid me down on that table I was going to throw up, and guess what happened?  They laid me down on that table, and I threw up.  I tried to warn them!  Oh it was so nasty, the Dr. was suctioning things out of my mouth and trying to clean up my face and my hair and my neck...and it was just dripping everywhere.  

And another anesthesiologist kept poking me with a safety pin and asking me if I could feel the pain of the pin at this point or this point or this point.  He just wanted to ensure the medication was working it's way up my body the way it should and that it didn't go any further than they needed it to.  Eventually they were satisfied with my responses and I was all drugged/numbed up and Peter walked in and they stated "Dad is now here - we can begin."  And he plopped down on a little stool right by my head - man was I glad to see that man!  Gets me all teary eyed just reliving it all - such relief came over me when I saw him, I thought I was going to break down and cry. 

And Peter's first words out of his mouth were, "I thought they had forgotten about me!"  Guess it took them 35 minutes before they came for him and got him all dressed for the occasion, and he thought they were going to come back for him in a matter of minutes.  Bless that man...I can only imagine how terribly long those 35 minutes must have been.

Let's just say it was so strange not having control over my body.  I thought I would be more freaked out by it, but I just tried to block it from my mind.  And I don't think I was prepared for what was about to happen to me.  I started shaking and shivering and throwing up some more, and I don't know if I was warned about the side effects of the drugs, but let me tell you, it wasn't much fun.  They tried to layer me with warm blankets, which was nice, but it still didn't take away the shakes and the shivers and the teeth chattering.  And while all that raucous was going on, my darling husband just held my hand and tried to calm and soothe me.  Bless that man!  I can't even imagine what it must have been like to be on the other side of things.  

And even with the drugs, you can still feel them inside of you, moving things around and stretching things out.  And I could hear the Drs. conversations, and at one point I tried to make a joke amidst the teeth chattering by stating, "Don't ruin my abs!"  I suppose the joke was successful considering it made them all laugh, and they then started asking me questions about the pregnancy, like how much weight I had gained, etc.  Seems so funny to think about now, having a conversation with the Drs. across the blue sheet.  

And then after some poking and prodding, baby was out.  And Peter turned to me and said can you hear that?  He's crying!!  I guess those steroid shots they gave me helped the little man's lungs!  And Peter then turned to me and said can I go see him?  Of course you can go see our baby boy!!  He took some photos and cut the cord and brought him over to me to stare at for a brief while before they wheeled him away.  I was awake during it all, but when I think back to it all now, it all seems like such a blur.  I mean the whole thing from start to finish was only an hour, which just seems crazy right?

And when all was said and done they took me to a room in the labor and delivery unit to recover until everything denumbed.  And after about two hours they wheeled me into the baby's room in the NICU to meet him and hold him for a few minutes...and before I knew it they were wheeling me away.  

I must say the day after the c-section was rough, really, really rough!  Turns out I had diarrhea during the surgery, and they thought I had C Diff which is a terrible bacteria that you really don't want to have considering everyone has to wear robes and gloves when they enter the room.  And the one thing they needed from me to prove that I didn't have said bacteria was a stool sample.  And let's be honest, the last thing I wanted to do after the surgery was push something out of my body.  Oh it hurts just thinking about it!  

They gave me all sorts of pain meds, but I was really pushing myself considering I just wanted to see my baby and I just wanted to poop to prove that I didn't have this bacteria.  And considering I was in so much pain, I wasn't able to walk or even crawl into a wheelchair, thus I wasn't even able to see LB the day after his birth.  I had to wait a few days before seeing him - one of the hardest things I have ever done!!  And amidst all the pain, I was so very thankful for that catheter and simply terrified for when the time came for them to take it out.  I even begged them to leave it in as long as they could, considering the thought of getting up to go to the bathroom left me scared, probably because I nearly fainted after my first attempt to walk to the bathroom.  The nurse was scared and I was sweating and green (or so the nurse said considering I couldn't actually see myself).  

And come Monday night, at like one in the morning, they forced me to get up out of bed to walk the hallways, and it felt so good to get up on my feet.  It hurt like something terrible, but I was so proud of my accomplishment and then they took my catheter out, and that was the real test!  I was finally able to see LB Tuesday afternoon (2 days after he was born) and oh it was such a beautiful moment to be reunited with my 4 lb 2 oz, 16.5 inch baby.  

And yes, he is teeny tiny!  He weighs 5 lbs, 2.5 ounces and he is now 17.75 inches long.  It is crazy to think how much he has grown in just a few weeks.  His nurses say he's a fighter and pretty scrappy for his age and size.  He's doing great - the only assistance he has ever needed is with feeding.  He has a little feeding tube that the nurses feed him through when he's too tired to take his bottle.  He's a great eater, but since he's so young his sucking, breathing, swallowing reflexes have yet to be fully sorted out and he was spitting up alot of what he was taking in when he was first born.  So he wasn't putting on as much weight as they would want him to, but now he's doing so much better and after only about 4 days they quadrupled his feeding amounts.  He started off in an incubator because they didn't want him to expend too many calories while trying to regulate his heat, but he does a great job regulating his own temperature so he doesn't have to be in there, it's merely for sleeping purposes rather than out of necessity.  And they took the top off the incubator after about a week.  And he's doing a fine job regulating his temperature.  

He's going to be just fine, but it was so hard and is still so hard going home without a baby!  Hurts my heart to have to say goodbye to our little guy every day - it all just seems so wrong.  And it seems wrong to be on maternity leave when our baby is still in the hospital. 

And it's all simply overwhelming trying to balance time at the hospital, time at home, time with husband, time preparing home for baby, etc.  And it's crazy to think that we were suppose to be on a plane to Ireland on the 19th of December that returned to Seattle on the 7th of January, and LB was born on the evening of the 6th!  God works in the most mysterious ways.  These past three weeks have been such a whirlwind, but God has been faithful through it all and Peter and I have truly been blown away by His goodness.  

However, I think Peter and I are reaching the end of our rope.  We are tired.  Tired of going to the hospital.  Tired of not being at home.  Tired of feeling so torn.  Tired of seeing our baby with a feeding tube taped to his face.  Tired of not having LB at home with us.  Tired of having someone else care for our baby.  We are just tired.  Peter stated today that we have been at the hospital EVERY single day since December 31 - and let's be honest that's a LONG time! They think LB will be there for at least another week or so, which isn't that far off, but it seems like it's ages away!  

We covet your prayers right now.  Please pray for our family, for LB's health, for Peter and I as we continue on this journey of parenthood without a baby in our home.  It hurts my heart to leave him there each and every day.  And our hope and prayer is that amidst all of this pain and sadness, that God would be honored and glorified and that people would see the hope that shines through us that only comes from Him.  It has been such a beautiful experience of fully trusting in the Lord.  Also, with hospitalizations come mounting medical bills for myself and the baby - we fully know the Lord will provide as He has provided for us tremendously over the years, but it still feels overwhelming at times. May all of this be a beautiful story of God's grace and may Peter and I continue to handle each situation with God's grace and mercy.  

Much love to all of you,

Malia, Peter and LB