Mommy Guilt.

I've been back to work for two weeks now! And I must say it's good to be back. That smile on my face is not forced, it's real.

And yes, life as I knew it has come to an end, but I'm okay with this new normal.

I really enjoy my job, and I adore my coworkers, and I love the flexibility of my work schedule.

Being a working mom is hard, and being a work from home a few days a week mom seems even harder.

Don't get me wrong, I love working from home if it means I can be with my boys, but those days at home are far harder than the days in the office.

It's hard living in the tension of spending time with the boys vs spending time working. If I spend time with the boys, then work is neglected, and if I'm working, then the boys are neglected.

And the guilt...oh the guilt I have felt and carried for so long. Mommy guilt is real people.

And I was really worried about going back to work because of this feeling. I dreaded it...along with the stress of balancing work and just life in general.

But after being back these two weeks, I'm realizing that I have come a long way in this guilt department. And if I'm completely honest, I don't feel guilty about not giving my boys 100% or not giving work 100% because I'm realizing those around me extend so much grace to me, so the least I can do is extend grace to myself right?

And on Wednesday, I had a ton of work to do, and instead of feeling guilty about it, Jack played independently all morning alongside me while I worked, and then we had time together in the afternoon.

And it was good.

It has taken me awhile to get to this place of grace.

And it's hard living in the tension.

And I have to tell myself over and over that I can't do it all. I'm not a superhero, nor will I ever be, nor does my husband expect or need me to be. He is my partner, an extremely grace filled partner, and for that I am thankful.

Thank you for your prayers! Continue to pray for our family and that this spirit of grace would abound and that I would continue to be set free from this thing called mommy guilt.

xoxo,

Malia