Remember

 

At church this am as I sat next to my husband of 7 years, with our nursery pager beside us, I looked at the young married couples in front of us. And I remembered.

I remembered what it was like to be young and newly married, without bags under my eyes and grey hairs sprinkled throughout our hair.

I remembered what it was like to just get myself ready for church.

I remembered who I was 7 years ago, sitting next to my husband at church, praying for a spirit of contentment. I was always wanting more, more from my husband, more from myself, more from God, never fully leaning into who God had created me to be or allowing my husband to rest in who he was.

I remembered the way we communicated and navigated the early days of married life. I remembered the pattern of things, my yearning for more, for better, and Peter's feelings of inadequacy.

I remembered God's faithfulness and our call to each other. 

I remembered our first home together and what it was like to go to the movies monthly as we lived right next to a movie theater.

I remembered the holidays, birthdays, traveling on an airplane and adventuring sans kids.

I remembered having to drive us everywhere as Peter didn't have his WA state drivers license yet!!

I remembered who I was, and who I hoped to be.

Again, I remembered God's faithfulness and our love story and our call to each other. 

I remembered my deep love for my husband and my deep love for the Lord.

And as I remembered, I found myself so overwhelmed with gratitude.

We've walked through so many things with job transitions, job losses, a child, an addition of another one, a new home, a new car, death, hope, loss, and joy.

And we've witnessed that there's a time for everything.

Even amidst the life changes my love for the Lord and my husband remains. 

I don't even know if I'd recognize that younger version of myself, maybe externally, but internally she's changed so much.

She's learned to give herself so much grace.

She's learned to give her husband so much grace.

She's learned to fully lean into who she is and who God has created her to be.

She's learned to fully embrace who God has created her husband to be and sees their differences as their greatest strengths. 

She's learned to fully rely on the Lord for His provision as she relinquishes control, opens her hands and lays herself (and all her boys) down at His feet daily.

And amidst the internal changes, my love for the Lord and my husband remains the same, running so very deep. I thought it ran deep 7 years ago, but it was simply because I could never fully grasp and envision just how deep it could run with time. I could never have envisioned the life I'd currently be living, nor the contentment I'd feel deep in my soul.

And as I sat next to my husband at church this morning and sang my heart out...

Kingdoms come and Kingdoms fade, but always you remain. 

Ages pass and seasons change, but always you remain...the same.

I just remembered these truths that have been so apparent in our lives and in our marriage this past year.

He is good.

He is faithful.

And He has called Peter and I to each other.

It is so easy to lose sight of these truths amidst the chaos that can feel like our lives sometimes whether that's internally in our home as I do my best to keep the boys from burning down the house or externally in our communities or in our world. 

We must take time to remember.

Kingdoms come and Kingdoms fade, but always you remain...the same.