A Historical Day - learning to let grief in

Today is a day that will go down in history.

And no, it's not because one of my boys reached a milestone or because they listened to every single thing I asked of them.

But rather because it is inauguration day.

And I feel like every inauguration day is historical, but today feels exceptionally historical, one we will never ever forget.

This is a day that will be written about in the history books in the years to come.

This is a day that many will reflect back on in the years to come.

This is a day that will be filled with mourning and grieving.

And I need you to know that I mourn with you.

And as my son asked me to turn on worship music, then to turn up the music louder, I just started weeping.

And he asked me why I was sad, and I just responded by saying, I don't know.

And the truth is, I don't know why I'm weeping.

There are so many factors at play here, but I think I'm just learning to let grief in.

Maybe it's because we leave Monday for Ireland, and you better believe all those Irish folks are going to be asking me how this day even happened?

How did America get to the place where they could elect Trump as their president?

How does something like this even happen?

And the truth is, I don't know.

And maybe it's because whenever I'm there, I feel like I'm the red, white and blue ambassador, speaking on behalf of all things American.

And the truth is, when I'm distanced from my country, I'm able to see it all through a different lens, and sometimes I find myself trying to explain why it is we do the things we do even if I don't necessarily agree with it.

And the truth is, I don't know why we, Americans, do the things we do, or why we vote the way we do. 

And maybe it's because we're coming off of MLK day and I can't stop thinking about my Let us be Dissatisfied post, and I just finished reading Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates, and I dream of brighter days for my boys, and and I'm realizing we're still so far from it.

And maybe it’s because our Pastor preached about mourning and learning to let grief in last Sunday. And this week my eyes have been fully open to see all the grief and the mourning that surrounds me, whether that’s the mourning that comes with the job search and another closed door, or the mourning that comes with wanting to be married, or wanting to have children, or the mourning that comes with the loss of a loved one through either death or Alzheimer's, or the loss of a relationship, or just simply the loss of a dream.

And today, I think the mourning fully hit me and the tears just streamed down my face.

The truth is, mourning and grief surrounds us all. We cannot escape it. And I pray we have the eyes to see it all around us and the courage to enter into it with ourselves, with others, with our world.

The truth is, I don't know what the next 4 years hold. I don't know what tomorrow holds.

But I can tell you what I do know. 

I know that my hope is in Christ.

I know that His love never fails.

I know that it's His breath in my lungs.

I know that He is faithful.

I know that I'll continue to pour out my praise to Him even amidst the tears.

And this is my prayer for all of us.

May we come back to the simple things.

May we love deeply.

May we live fully.

May we grieve together and mourn together and shed tears together.

May we never forget that it is through this shedding of tears and sharing of hearts that Christ is glorified.

May we never forget that we are in this together and by the grace of God we are so much greater together.

May His presence reign over all the earth.