A Time for Everything.

 

If we've learned anything this past year and a half it's that there truly is a time for everything.

And I don't think Ecclesiastes 3 has ever rang more true for us.

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Just like Ecclesiastes 3 says, There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to tear down and a time to build and alot of time for everything in between. 

Let's just say 2016 was filled with lots of weeping and mourning (and dancing and laughing, but this post is going to focus more on the weeping and mourning) and I'm realizing that as a culture, we're not very good with creating space for mourning and allowing those who are mourning to just be comforted by our presence rather than our words. Time and time again Peter has heard, it's okay, it will get better, 2017 will be a different year for you. You're so talented and you have such great skills, someone will hire you! Just keep the faith, just stay positive, but the reality is, some days are really hard, and some days it's really hard to stay positive, to have an eternal perspective, and I've come to realize that it's hard for me to sit with him in his grief, to take it upon my shoulders too to grieve with him.

In fact, there was one day months ago, where he found out he didn't get a job, or maybe it was 2 different jobs, and he called me at work devastated and I just figured I'd come home and he'd be over it. I mean he had about 4 hours to process it and mourn and grieve, and that should be sufficient time right? Well how wrong was I! 

And we had a conversation that night about mourning and grief and our families and how culture may play a part in how I create or don't create space for mourning, or perhaps it may just be my family? or maybe it's just me? And we talked about how I responded to him and his grief in such an ugly and dishonoring way, those were my words. 

My husband is so very eloquent and it's been beautiful to see how God uses him in such a mighty way to humbly call me out on my stuff, to hold me accountable to a higher way of being. And this was one of those moments. Peter shared how my reaction to his grief hurt him deeply but what I loved was he also shared how I could respond in a more effective and honoring way in the future. He told me how he felt and he told me what he needed, and you guys, my mind was blown! 

And he shared it all as an analogy. He said, today, I'm like a boxer that's been knocked down in a ring and I'm just lying flat out on the floor. And you're my trainer, and I don't want you to start talking to me about my next fight yet. Today, I need you to get in the ring and lay down on the floor with me. I need you to tend to my wounds and help me recover.  Today, I need you to mourn and grieve with me, and tomorrow, you can talk to me about getting up off the floor and moving on to the next fight.

You guys, I've learned so much in this season about mourning and creating space for grief.

Mathew 5:4 states, Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

And friends, there's so much truth to that.

When you mourn, you will be comforted. And He promises to meet you in that place of mourning.

He promises to make all things beautiful.

Yet, I can't help but wonder if we believe those promises. Because if we really believed and trusted in those promises, then I think we'd be better at creating space for mourning and grief.

And I can't help but wonder, as a culture do we do that? Do we create space for mourning and grief? Or do we just want to problem solve and spout out words of encouragement and support?

Have faith! Keep trying! Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on! You're so talented, you'll find a job soon!

These are all things Peter heard constantly, and while those words are really nice and affirming and very American, the words he really needed to hear were...I know this is really hard. And I'm sorry you're in this season. Know that I sit with you in your grief. Know that I'm mourning with you. Know that I'm crying out to the Lord on your behalf!

Again, I ask the question, Why do we feel the need to problem solve and spout out words of encouragement and support? Why is it so hard for us to just sit and wipe the tears from their eyes and wrap our arms around those who are grieving? Why is it so hard for us to recognize that sometimes saying nothing says everything?

Ecclesiastes 3 is such a beautiful reminder to me that amidst whatever time you find yourself in, He is in your midst. May you have eyes to see Him and ears to hear Him.

May you trust His promises and may you mourn and dance and weep and laugh, while remembering just how good He is. 

And may you never forget that He makes all the mourning and the grieving beautiful in His time.