My dearest Ryan,
Your half birthday was a month ago. Oops! But it just so happens that you're napping and I'm getting a chance to sit down in the silence of our home and write a letter to you.
I can't believe you're already 2.5 years old. Where has the time gone? How are you so big?
What a true delight you are. So full of energy and life and laughter. You just go, go, go when you're awake and sleep hard when you're asleep.
You are a force of nature, exceptionally fearless and determined. Quite often your dada will say, Jack never would have done that as his age!! But I suppose you do what you need to do to keep up with the big kids, your brother included. You love doing what he's doing.
You are very independent and you want to do everything yourself. No I do it mama, I do it! And I'll watch you struggle for a short while, then I'll offer my help. Sometimes you can do it on your own and sometimes you can't, but I love seeing the determination in that face of yours.
You love putting other people's shoes on and walking around the house - you think it's the funniest thing ever, but then again, everything brings you joy. You fill our home with so much laughter and love.
You love giving hugs and kisses and you love wrestling with your brother. And you LOVE to talk. Truly, we could go for a car ride, and Jack will fall asleep like minutes into the ride, but you my child will just talk and talk and talk. Quite often you're not even talking to your dad and I, but just making noises and singing songs and talking to your lovies. Your little voice is the cutest though and you can't pronounce F, so you use S instead - I sall down and hurt my sace. And you use to say dodo for different - I want the dodo one, but you just started saying diffent instead of dodo, and that about broke your dadas heart.
And lately, before you go to bed, you've been wanting to rock in your rocking chair with mama. So we sit in the chair, and we rock, and you give me a play by play of your day, sharing with me the things that scared you from weeks ago. And I just revel in the moment of stillness, your body is still even though your mouth won't stop moving!! I love this time. And then eventually I put you in your bed, place your little blankie over you, and surround you with all your stuffies - elmo, baby, lovie, and doggie.
Some days it saddens me to see how just how independent you have become, but most days I delight in the fact that you are growing into an independent being that has likes and dislikes right before my very eyes. What a joy it is to witness. May we give you space to be you, to grow up to be brave and courageous, speaking truth to the world.
May we cultivate your strong spirit in such a way that honors you and honors the Lord. May we truly see you for who God created you to be, rather than who we want you to be. I hope and pray you grow up to know who you are and whose you are. May your identity rest in the ways of the Lord and not in the ways of the world. May the Lord fill you in a way the world never can.
Every single day I release you to Him, as you are not mine to hold onto.
Ryan Alexander, it is truly a joy being your mama and one of my greatest privileges.
I'll love you forever,
Mama
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