My
Dearest Ryan,
I never could have imagined the boy you'd be
when I met you a little over three years ago! I mean you were a great baby, an
incredible sleeper and so happy. But I never would have imagined just how much
you'd love to sing and dance, or how much you'd love that binkie of yours or
that little stuffed bunny tutu gave you.
You bring so much joy and light into our family.
You laugh at everything, truly, especially at yourself. And it’s so wild to
think you were a little baby just three years ago. It truly goes so incredibly
fast.
And as I sit here growing another babe, I just
think about growing you. About the hope I had for a different pregnancy, for a
different birth story.
About who I envisioned you might be and who you
are today. You are so much more than I ever could have dreamed, with your
larger than life personality, your never ending chatter, and your endless
energy.
And every year when I read over your birth story, I’m just taken back to
that moment before I met you. And I remember. I remember the anticipation for
what was to come, the hope for a new story. I remember the feeling of hope in
the room and the sacredness of the moment and the power of the Holy Spirit as
worship music played softly in the background.
It was all so beautiful and redemptive and
healing for my broken heart which I didn’t even realize needed mending until I
had you. And it was all such a gift from God to be able to have a different
birth experience, to experience a c-section with your brother and a vaginal
birth with you. And then to bring you home from the hospital just 24 hours
after having you felt like an even greater gift.
Ryan Alexander, my heart is so tender toward
you, my second born, my middle child. You love fiercely. Just a few days ago
you woke up a little too early for my liking, and I brought you into bed with
me, and we fell back asleep. And when I woke up an hour or so later, I realized
you were so close to me you were sleeping on top of my hair. So I slowly pulled
my hair out from under you, and that stirred you awake. I watched your little
arm stretch upward and your little leg stretch outward and I was taken back to
your itty bitty days, and then you opened your eyes and turned to me and
cradled my face in your little hands as you declared I love you mama and kissed
me square on the lips! It was such a beautiful and sacred moment.
And let's be honest, I’ve never met anyone as
stubborn as you! You know what you want and you go for it. This could be a
certain pair of pants you want to wear that are dirty, which then involves
getting your little bench and pulling every single item out of the laundry
basket in search of that dirty pair of pants, or a food item I tell you you
can’t have, but then I find you once again with your little bench, climbing up
onto the counter to get said item. You are definitely a go getter! Your dada
says you take after me haha! I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not, but
you’re welcome. May you cultivate that part of yourself in a beautiful way and
use it for good in this world.
Here's to 3 years Ryan Alexander! I can't even wait to see you as a big brother.
Love,
Your Mama
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