Pruning Branches

I'm all for growth and putting myself in situations where I'll be refined. I love the idea of transformation and refinement in the hopes that I'll become a better version of myself, a version that more glorifies and honors the Lord. I'm all for chipping away and pruning the bits that don't honor and glorify Him, but let me tell you I had NO idea just how many bits needed cutting and pruning until I had kids.

See, I thought being married was the ultimate act of refinement. We fully believe that God has called us to speak truth to each other, to sharpen each other, to say the things we may not want to hear. And for that I'm thankful. I'm thankful that we believe God has called us to make each other holy, rather than happy, and for us that holiness leads to happiness.

And because of that accountability and that refinement and that desire to glorify God with our lives and with the way we treat each other, our love and appreciation for each other has deepened.

And when I do something to dishonor my husband, when I raise my voice at him, or when I'm short with him, or when I nag him about something, or when I'm just downright mean, he can call me out on that. And let me tell you, he sure doesn't shy away from doing that! Sometimes I wish he would haha!

But it wasn't an easy road for us to get to that place. See, raising my voice aka yelling is my M.O. Or it use to be? At least I'd like to think I've conquered that part of myself in my marriage (obviously still working on that in other areas of my life as you'll soon read), but I suppose I should probably ask my husband for the truth. I still have my moments where the conversation escalates, but they don't happen nearly as often as they did in our dating relationship, and sometimes it's not me that escalates it, and sometimes I even find myself saying to my husband...why are you yelling at me? This was definitely something I NEVER would have said 10 years ago but it was most definitely something he would have said to me.

And all I can say here is...Thank you Jesus for this growth and transformation that has happened in my spirit over the last 10 years. Thank you for pruning me and refining me in ways I never even thought possible. Thank you for opening my eyes to a new way of communicating in my marriage, a way that is respectful and honoring and glorifying not only to my husband, but also to You.

And that's my marriage.

And then we had kids.

And as I already shared, in the season prior to having kids, God had taken away the branches that were not bearing fruit and pruned the ones that were, so I figured he was done with me right? I figured I'd mastered the raising my voice thing, and I now find sick pleasure in keeping my cool in an argument. In my marriage.

The parenting side of me is a whole different story.

I don't understand why this area of refinement in my marriage hasn't seeped into every aspect of my life. Why is it okay for me to raise my voice at my littles but it's not okay for me to raise my voice at my husband? Is it because when I raise my voice at my husband, he calls me out on it? And when I raise my voice with my littles, or when I'm short with them, or when I'm just downright mean, they don't call me out on it. Sometimes I wish they would, as it would probably force me to get my act together quicker, but because they don't, I have to take the time to notice their body language and their emotional response to my tone and my attitude. And that's hard.

And some days I feel like I've spent the entire day refereeing and raising my voice. And although my kids most certainly aren't angels, I can choose how I respond to their actions. I can remain calm or I can raise my voice. And let's just say me yelling at them does not help the situation one bit, in fact it most likely makes it worse, especially when Jack just laughs in my face or heaven forbid yells back. And the remorse I feel after doing so is hard. And that remorse digs a little deeper into my soul when Jack says to his dada that mama wasn't being very nice. There's so much truth in that little boys words. I really wasn't being very nice.

And in those moments when I raise my voice, dishonoring my children and dishonoring God, I catch a glimpse of my former self, the one I've tried so hard NOT to be. And I don't like what I see. I don't want to be her anymore.

And in those moments when I choose to remain calm, I feel like such a warrior, having gone to battle with my old ways, my old self, and I catch a glimpse of my new self. And I like what I see. I want to be her. And in these moments I see the growth, I see the cutting of the branches and the pruning of others. 

Each day I pray for God to take away every branch in me that does not bear fruit and to prune the branches so that the ones that do bear fruit can be even more fruitful (John 15:2). 

I hope and pray that this cutting away and pruning will continue, and that somehow by the grace of God I will bear fruit. 
  
I hope and pray that God will be honored and glorified through me, through the words I speak to my littles and through the way those words are spoken to them. 

And I hope and pray that He will continue to open my eyes to a different way of communicating in my parenting, a way that is respectful and honoring and glorifying not only to my children, but also to Him.

I long to raise up little people that will honor and glorify God with their lives and with their words, and when I dishonor Him (and them) with the way I speak and with the way I treat my littles, what kind of example am I setting?
 

StrengthsFinder 2.0.

So have you seen this StrengthsFinder book before?  I am quite sure a few of you have!  Perhaps you have even purchased it for yourself and determined your own strengths?  Well, I had been wondering what my strengths were for quite some time now,  but I just couldn't bring myself to spend the $15 or so on the book!  I know, I sound cheap, but it's the truth.  And if it were any other book maybe I could justify spending the $, but I knew I would just be using this one for the strengthsfinder access code and then once I found out my strenghts I would simply be done with it.

Well I finally gave in and let's be honest, my curiousity got the best of me.  Plus, it helped that I had an Amazon gift card to use, and one more item to purchase, which meant FREE SHIPPING!!

So my top five strengths...

Woo
Harmony
Belief
Adaptability
Input

I am sure you all are just dying to know what those all mean right?  I know I sure was!  If you have no interest in knowing my strengths - then look (read) no further!  And if you have the slightest interest - then please, read on.

So the first one...

Woo - people who are especially talented in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over.  They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person.

What makes you stand out?

Driven by your talents, you enjoy discovering as much as you can about the people you meet.  You are friendly and enjoy socializing.  You quickly put at ease those you are meeting for the first time or the tenth time.  Instinctively, you are known for your optimism, cheerfulness, and easygoing personality.  These qualities explain why you get a thrill out of starting friendly discussions with newcomers or outsiders.  By nature, you exhibit a genuine fondness for all sorts of people.  Newcomers or outsiders intrigue you to such a degree that you start talking with them.  You naturally put them at ease with your smile, encouraging words, or compliments.  It's very likely that you normally energize discussions with outsiders or newcomers.  How?  you encourage them to talk about their successes, talents, or big ideas. Your animated reactions and interesting questions usually prompt them to describe things in minute detail.  Because of your strengths, you sometimes enjoy surrounding yourself with companions rather than being alone.

And the second one...

Harmony - people who are especially talented in the Harmony theme look for consensus.  They don't enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.

What makes you stand out?

Driven by your talents, you usually are the team member who finishes the assignments given to you each day. Measuring up to the high standards people set for you is very fulfilling.  By nature, you occasionally desire to amass knowledge. Being somewhat practical, you might turn to particular specialists for their insights, information, or guidance.  It is not your style to make certain people think you know everything.  Instead, you may want to arrive at correct conclusions and make proper decisions.  By seeking the counsel of a few wise and experienced individuals, maybe you discover common ground and avoid disagreements.  It's very likely that you occasionally collect bits and pieces of information. At the time, the value of this material may not be apparent. In specific cases, you have found it useful to turn to some specialists for help.  Perhaps these individuals can provide you with enough direction so you can ask some questions, render a few decisions, or try to make courses of action without upsetting anyone in the process. You avoid angering certain people by consulting with them before doing anything.  Because of your strengths, you may describe yourself as practical or realistic.  Perhaps you labor earnestly to find specialists who might help you figure out the right responses to questions.  "Why reinvent the wheel?" you ask when they already know what to do.  Chances are good that you occasionally infuse a spirit of friendliness into your work or study groups.  Your personal warmth and congenial disposition may cause others to be a bit kinder or more generous.  Some people find it easier to collaborate with their teammates or classmates if you are involved.  In your absence, however, they might notice a difference in people's willingness to cooperate.

And the third one...

Belief - people who are especially talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging.  Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.

What makes you stand out?

Because of your strengths, you may convince certain people that a particular project or cause improves humankind's quality of life.  Occasionally you persuade them of the importance of protecting the planet's resources for future generations.  Perhaps you help people realize they can accomplish more good as a group than they can as individuals. It's very likely that you are determined to push for changes that will benefit humankind or Earth itself.  Your desire to have an impact motivates you to enter into conversations with intelligent people.  Drawing on their wealth of knowledge and ideas as well as sharing your treasure trove of wisdom is exciting.  These discussions frequently cause you to think in new ways and to reexamine your purpose in life.  By nature, you want your life to really matter.  You are determined to contribute to the well-being of individuals and the human family.  You sense you can be an influence for good in the world.  Chances are good that you can sometimes place the needs of others ahead of your own. Instinctively, you are naturally compelled to admit the truth.  If someone asked you or told you to intentionally mislead someone, you would reply, "I cannot and I will not do that!"

And the fourth one...

Adaptability - people who are especially talented in the Adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow."  They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

What makes you stand out?

It's very likely that you allow your life to unfold naturally.  You trust you will find your path as it evolves.  You resist being tied to predetermined plans and standardized systems.  You prefer to experience life in the moment.  You are eager to see where it takes you.  Because of your strengths, you can be flexible about how a game is played.  Having a good experience is much more important to you than winning.  Many people marvel at your ability to calmly move on to something else after you have met with defeat.  Chances are good that you may realize the quality of your life improves when you are surrounded by the loveliness of nature or enthralled - that is, held spellbound - by the artistry of human beings.  Instinctively, you now and then picture events or situations you might find yourself facing in the coming months, years, or decades.  Sometimes you consider ways you might react when these circumstances materialize.  By nature, you occasionally wait for situations or problems to arise, rather than plan in advance.  If something or someone unexpectedly blocks your progress, you might easily find ways to adjust.  Perhaps sudden changes force you to consider upgrades or tactics you had not thought of earlier.

And the fifth one...

Input - people who are especially talented in the Input theme have a craving to know more.  Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

What makes you stand out?

Driven by your talents, you periodically enjoy sharing ideas, exchanging information, or trading stories.  During conversations, you might be the person who simplifies complicated details.  Maybe you help individuals better understand intricate procedures, theories, regulations, or plans.  Instinctively, you read for relaxation and pleasure.  Your carefree, cheerful, and easygoing approach to life is apt to be reflected in the types of books or publications you regularly peruse - that is, examine studiously.  Whenever you can pull together lots of information, ideas, or facts for later use, you feel quite content.  Because of your strengths, you may interpret and straightforwardly outline ideas, process, or projects that some people have difficulty understanding.  It's very likely that you absorb the written word like a sponge sops up water. You revel in an opportunity to lose yourself in a book.  Time seems to float by when you are the grateful guest of an entertaining or informative author.  Your only choice is to finish the book as quickly as possible.  By nature, you eagerly welcome opportunities to think out loud about ideas, theories, or philosophies.  (Maybe this is why I blog??)  You derive pleasure from conversations that force you to ponder matters that exist only in the realm of thought, not in reality. 

And there you have it folks...my top five strengths!  I would love to hear yours - so please do share.

And if I must say so myself - this book was well worth the $15.  I learned so many new and insightful things about myself that I didn't know before.  

xoxo,

Malia