Moments like this.

We had a few rainy days last week, and most rainy days I will forget, but this rainy day will live on in my heart forever. We (Jack and I) had such a beautiful day...minus the fact that I had only slept like six hours the night before. I just couldn't put my book down, my fault, and then Jack woke up around 6:30, not fun, but such is life right?

On this rainy morning, my son asked me to dance with him for the first time. He grabbed my hand and said.."Mama, dance!" How could I possibly refuse this little person? So we turned the music on, busted out the instruments and gave it all we had. And dance we did, in fact I danced my heart out and he loved every moment of it. My dancing moves are nothing to imitate, but he was stomping right there with me. And he laughed, and laughed and laughed...and before I knew it we were both just laughing and the room was filled with so much joy. And my heart was so incredibly full as I watched him twirl around the room shaking his little maraca and pounding his feet to the rhythm. I wanted to stop time.

This moment was so beautiful and magical, and I felt so honored to be able to share it with him. I was so overwhelmed with thankfulness and I just couldn't bring myself to hold back the tears. I threw my arms up to the Lord and let the tears of joy stream down my face. I just closed my eyes, hoping that somehow I could bottle up this emotion and this gratitude and thankfulness to the Lord and this joy to bust out on another rainy day.

The thing is...being a mom is hard. It's tiring, exhausting, and you never feel as though you are good enough. You second guess yourself, each decision, each choice. I mean I've never done this before. I have no idea what I'm doing, but it's the moments like this that get me through the hard days. I love being a mom. I love these sweet, sweet moments that will forever be etched in my heart and in my mind.

I love the joy this sweet boy brings to my life. I mean I knew joy before him...my husband and I were happily married and laughter filled our home, but I wish you could see our home now. This little person fills us with so much joy and reminds us what it really means to be childlike. I thank you child for that childlike joy you bring to our lives...you wanted to dance, so we danced, you wanted to jump in puddles, so I put my rain boots on so we could do it together.

Thank you Jesus for these moments. Thank you Jesus for these 21 months with our son. Thank you Jesus for life, for health, for moments like this.

See, a friend of a friend suffered a tremendous loss recently. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few weeks early, only to have to say goodbye to him 5 hours after his arrival. The grief, the pain I feel for her is simply indescribable. My body aches for her...for the loss of a dream, for the loss of her child...for the loss of moments like this. What a tremendous loss. And the sad thing is, I know she's not alone...there are so many others that have lost their children whatever the cause may be.

So this morning, when my 21 month old son grabbed my hand and said mama ...dance, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Who am I to deserve these 21 months with this sweet, sweet boy? Who am I to deserve this joy? How blessed am I to have a little boy wake me up at 6:30 by shouting mama from his crib? How blessed am I to hold this little person's hand...to change his diaper...to feed him...to raise him...to have him call me mama.

I don't deserve any of this...and yet I'm living it. What an absolute privilege it is.

Thank you Jesus! May I continue to see each day as a gift...may Your Spirit lead me ...and may I continue to call upon Your name always, in the joyful times and in the darkest days. And may our love for each other and our love for You bring honor and glory to Your name.

And so I leave you with this. This is the song that set me over the edge when Jack and I were dancing. So when we sang this song at church today, I lost it all over again.

The Chorus.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 
Let me walk upon the waters. 
Wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. 
And my faith will be made stronger.
In the presence of my Savior. 

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves.
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine.