Open Letter to Two Toddlers

Post from the husband

Jack Emmet and Ryan Alexander. This is your dad, before he got really old and grey (or is it gray?)

These past nine months, which is half of your burgeoning life Ryan, have been one rocky road for me and your wonderful Mamma. I am hoping that when you read this it will be all but a distant memory to all of us. A moment that with the 20/20 vision of hindsight will seem to be a time filled with opportunity and light. Hopefully.

But to be honest right now it feels like I am groping in the dark looking for a light switch that someone keeps moving just out of my reach. In my foolishness I am tripping and falling over, trying to run in the dark when I should sit still or maybe just crawl…On October 15th, 2015 I lost my job. The non profit I worked for, believed in, and shed tears for ran out of money. This felt like not such a big deal at the time but as job offers failed to come in, as I got more and more emails of “rejection”, it began to feel more and more like death by 1,000 cuts. Why is it that with almost a decade of international development experience, a Bachelors, a Masters, and half way to another Masters that I can not even seem to land an internship? Has the Lord forgotten me? [No]…Slowly questions, doubts, anger, and utter sadness seep in. At the same time my Dad, your Grandpa was pushed into early retirement, my Granny (Great Granny) passed away, our car was side swiped, and I cracked the screen of new my phone (OK that last one was not such a big deal…).

At the same time we struggle to raise you two muppets as best we can. Malia, Ryan, and Jack you have been my earthly anchors. Boys, I hope that this struggle is over soon but until then thank you for your endless laughter, unbridled joy, limitless imagination, stupendous love, handsome good looks, and complete trust in us. In your young minds I am still the main man, and when every day is a struggle with insecurity about my worth you are the daily reminder of how much Jesus loves me and believes in me. Your Mamma is not too shabby either…In the words of the Beach Boys (tell me you know who the Beach Boys are….)

“God only knows what I’d be without you”