Perspective

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

It feels incredibly surreal to be back at UW and the same NICU where Jack (my 5 year old) was born at 33 weeks 6 days. I never thought I'd have so many preemies, and I just figured my preemie story would start and end with Jack.

But here we are again with an even tinier baby!

Part of me is grateful he's not my first born nor is he my first preemie. We've walked this path before, and I know this road. I'm familiar with this road, the road's just a whole lot longer this time around. 

But because of my history with walking this path, I can see the path clearly now. And I know the difference time makes. I know the difference each day, each lb, each ounce, each gram makes. And I have a different perspective the second time around. 

Yes, it was hard to have Jack in the NICU for 20 days and to not be able to bring him home with me, but it was only 20 days. And I look at him now and I can't believe the giant kid in front of me ever fit into this preemie outfit (and this photo was taken like 2 years ago!).

And I know I'll say the same for Conor, I can't believe he ever fit into those preemie outfits or into those tiny micropreemie diapers. And yes, of course it was hard to have him in the NICU for X amount of days and it's truly only by the grace of God that any of us survived those days, but it was only X amount of days when you look at the years we have with him!

And we've now entered uncharted territory as Conor has surpassed the 26 day mark in the NICU, and we've never journeyed this far with a babe as Jack was discharged on the 20th day of his stay (a day shy of 37 weeks).

Conor obviously has a much longer road to recovery, and he'll most likely be in the NICU till his due date which is July 3, maybe he'll come home sooner or maybe he'll be there even longer? 

We really don't know. 

But I can tell you what I do know. 

I know recovery from a c-section.

I know the pain that comes from sitting up to pump and the pain that comes from laughing, all in the name of c-section recovery. 

I know the NICU visits.

I know what it's like to leave the hospital without a baby. 

I know the empty arms.

I know the endless pumping, every three hours, even in the middle of the night, just as if baby was in your home. 

I know the middle of the night wake ups to bottle feed.

I know the joy that comes with each milestone and the tremendous satisfaction that comes with watching them grow and thrive in the hospital and outside of it.  

I know the difference time makes.

And I'm thankful for my past experience, for God's grace amidst it all as I can look back on that now, and I can see God's hand in it all, preparing me for such a time as this, reminding me that He is faithful.

And I can look at my two older boys and know there will come a time when we will buckle Conor into his carseat and drive away from the hospital. 

There will come a time when Conor will sleep under our roof, and there will come a time when he will sleep through the night. 

There will come a time when I'm not pumping like a mad woman (crossing my fingers he transitions to the breast just like Jack did!).

And there will come a time when he will no longer wear diapers.

There will come a time when he will be running around and chasing after his brothers. 

And there will come a time, all too soon, this I know from experience, when he will become Mr. Independent, feeding himself, dressing himself, buckling his carseat himself, demanding to do all the things himself.

And we wait, just as we waited for Jack, for Conor to hit all those necessary milestones before his coming home. 

And today that coming home day feels really far away, yet we remember that He who promised is faithful.

And even if we have to wait 100 days before we bring him home, He is still faithful. 

And there is so much beauty in the waiting. 

Thank you Jesus for this beautiful perspective and for the eyes to see Your grace, Your hope, Your faithfulness in the waiting, and amidst all of these precious life moments.

A Little Perspective

Disclaimer.

I started to write this post on Good Friday this year (yes that was in March and yes that was 5 months ago!) and here I am finishing it. Still so much truth to the words I wrote 5 months ago, so I figured I should take it out of draft form and publish it. And our car is fixed and we even got new carseats out of the deal.

A guy ran through a red light today hitting our car with all of us in it. No need to worry we're all doing just fine...but our car didn't fare so well. It was all dented on the drivers side and leaking some type of fluid. And we weren't able to drive it away. So it was towed away only to await it's fate. Meanwhile, Jack had the best day of his life filled with firemen, police officers and a tow truck!

While we waited for the tow truck to come, we replayed the situation over and over in our heads. It was all such a blur and it had happened so incredibly fast.

We were on our way to the grocery store before we headed to the Good Friday service at our church. I had my head turned and was just chatting with my husband like I normally do, and he said I said something like oh no, or watch out as I saw the car just driving right at us as it ran right through the light.

Then boom, crash, crunch.

I was in a bit of shock as we pulled our kids out of the car and started making phone calls. The driver of the car that hit us drove off, and people were coming out of businesses asking if we needed witnesses as we thought the driver had just done a hit and run! But he later reappeared and informed us he had just driven around the block to get off the road.

Needless to say, I kept thinking about how this incident could have ended in so many different ways. Ways I don't even want to fathom or think about, ways I can't even fully comprehend. And it just gave me a little perspective.

And on that Good Friday, I just kept thinking about the loss of our car. It is such a small sacrifice when you consider the sacrifice Christ made for us all.

And in church on Easter Sunday, we sang the song Jesus Paid it all (song is posted at the bottom), and I found myself just singing with my whole self.

He did pay it all.

This life is not about me.

It is about Him.

Again a little perspective.

And as I sang,

Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

O praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.

Again, perspective.

And when I went to work that Monday, just a few days later, I heard about a car accident in Uganda that tragically took the lives of a Pastor from Maple Valley, an American missionary in Uganda and a Ugandan Pastor.

And I just thought, that could have been us.

This life is a gift friends. Treat it as one.

May we live with Kingdom Perspective, never forgetting that He has paid it all. And may we live fully into the freedom Christ has for us.