Second Child.

Everyone has been asking me how I'm feeling, and the truth is I'm feeling great! They want to know how this pregnancy compares to my first, etc, etc. And the main difference is that with the first, I didn't have a toddler to run after. When I was tired, I could rest, and when I was hungry, I could eat, and when I wanted to take a bath, I could bathe and when I wanted to go to the bathroom, I could go without a little person knocking on the door.

The thing is...if I'm completely honest, I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant. It's hard for me to focus on the baby inside of me when the little person in front of me demands my attention. This baby in my belly will grow without my assistance, thanks be to God, whereas the little one in front of me needs to be fed, bathed, clothed, diaper changed, etc. They are both dependent on me, but the dependency feels extremely different for the pair of them. One demanding more than the other, or so it seems at least. In reality, the baby in my belly is the one that is morphing my body into one that is unrecognizable, the one that keeps me up at night, the one that probably demands more of me, but the demands from the one outside my body feel greater.

Anyhow, it's just different....I don't have time to revel in all the little kicks and nudges as I did with my first. I don't have time to lie on the bed and stare in awe at the movement of the belly. I don't have time to just sit and reflect on how my life is going to change with the addition of a child as I did with my first.

But I do have time to remember that I am a second child. This is me in my belly (not literally, but you get the point!). And I get it now why there are far more photos of my older sister than there are of me. I get it now why my baby book is half finished, when I have yet to even start a baby book for my first born. I just get it.

And I'm so excited to meet the fourth member of our family, our second child. And I'm so excited to see our first child as an older brother, and slightly terrified at the same time as the latest addition to his vocabulary is the lovely word mine.

Here's to a few more months of pregnancy! And here's to our second child! We love you so much already. And here's to the last few months with Jack as our only.

xoxo,

Malia (aka Mama)

Birth Stories.

A dear friend just recently had her second child, and throughout her pregnancy we dreamed about what her second child's birth story would be. Would it be different than the first? Would it be the same?

And I have been thinking a lot about this concept of a birth story.

Ultimately, I believe that God writes our life stories. And I believe He has knit each of us together in our mother's wombs, thus I believe He even writes the birth stories. But I also believe it's the parents responsibility to tell that story....to determine just how that story will shape their own lives and the lives of their children?

Years ago, Peter and I had the privilege of walking alongside a family that is near and dear to us whose daughter was diagnosed with leukemia when she was just 4 (and I believe she is now 8 and she is doing well!) I have written about this dear family before (Magical) and (Newlywed Group). And Peter and I just love them deeply.

Anyhow, as their year of hell came to an end. I'll never forget what they said. "It's up to us, as parents, to write our family's story. It's up to us to decide how we will remember this past year! It's up to us to paint the picture and determine how the story will be told for years to come."

And it got me thinking about birth stories.

Every single child has a birth story.

And it's up to the parents to determine how they will write that story.

Some moms may be upset that they didn't do it naturally or they may be upset that after laboring for a tremendous amount of time they had a c-section. Or they may be upset that they didn't get to labor at all and ended up with a c-section. Or they may be upset that they weren't able to bring their baby home and their baby spent three weeks in the hospital without them.

The bottom line is...it's up to us as the parents to decide whether we will harbor that anger and become bitter about the birth, or simply embrace everything that comes our way. Will the words we write be laced with bitterness or laced with sheer joy?

And I can't help but think...what will LB2's birth story be? Will it be like his brothers? Or will it be different? Will I have another c-section? Or will I ride out the contractions and have him vaginally? Will I have drugs or no drugs? And I can think through all of these things and agonize over them, and in reality, it doesn't even matter. What matters is that a new little being will be in my arms and years from now, months from now, it won't even matter how he entered into the world.

Every child has a birth story, and each story is so very unique to that little being.

I can't wait to share Jack's birth story with him. It could have been really traumatic, a story that left me bitter and angry for years to come or it could be what it is, a beautiful story of community and God's grace and mercy.

Xoxo,

Malia

A Second Time.

All photos courtesy of Lightworks360.

There's something extra special about doing this (being pregnant) a second time.

Now I know what to expect and I embark on this pregnancy/parenting journey wholeheartedly.

I am not blind to the realities and the trials.

But I know the joy.



Oh do I know the joy.

I know the reality of sleepless nights.

I am all too familiar with the postpartum body.

I know nights and days in a hospital.

I know what pain and recovery from a c-section actually looks like.

I know the desire to feel needed and the reluctance and resentment that also comes with that need.

I know the laughter that comes from blow outs and spit ups.

I know the endless laundry.

I can now see how a baby can tear a marriage apart and separate two lives that were once one.

I have a new understanding for the word partnership and I can now see the true value and beauty in that sincere and genuine partnership.



I now know the many ways a baby not only transforms you, but refines you.

I know the silly things that can be said to your spouse in the middle of the night.

I know the silly fights that happen in the middle of the night and even during the day.

All in the name of utter exhaustion.

And yet we do it all over again because the joy and the love is simply indescribable.

You just can't even begin to put it into words.

And seeing the world through a little person's eyes is simply magical.



And I love that magic.





I know that we have absolutely no idea what exactly awaits us, thus we have no idea as to what we are really getting ourselves into.

I know that it is going to be hard, really hard.

I know that we have a toddler that is in the beginning stages of tantrums and testing boundaries and adding a newborn baby to that sounds...interesting.



But I also know that God has blessed me abundantly with a husband whom I love and cherish and admire and respect. And I feel so incredibly honored to be his partner with this whole parenting gig.

I know that our faith in God is so much stronger and our love for each other so much deeper.

And I know that as long as we continue to grasp onto Him with our hands clasped together. He will grant us the patience, the wisdom, the grace, and the humility to encounter all of our trials with bold and courageous spirits.

And for that I am eternally grateful.

Xoxo,

Malia

Announcing Little Buddy #2!

via lightworks360

So the secret is out...our family is expanding by two feet! And Jack is going to be a big brother. Baby Drennan #2 is scheduled to arrive late December, but who knows, could be November if things go the way they did for baby's big brother!

Jack has absolutely no idea what is going on or how much his life will change, but then again, I suppose we have no idea either! Sometimes I feel like we are just crazy for doing this all over again. And incredibly crazy if things go as they did with Jack! But we shall see in due time.

To answer some questions...

Do we have a nickname for Drennan Baby #2?

We have started calling him/her LB2 for Little Buddy #2...I'm sure it will change as time goes on, but for the sake of this post, let's refer to baby as LB2.

Will we find out LB2's gender?

Definitely! I'm not a huge fan of surprises. I was hoping we would already know by now considering my mom is an ultrasound tech at an OB clinic, but we just haven't found the time to do the ultrasound. So who knows if we will actually find out earlier than the average person. I think we found out at 15 weeks with Jack that he was a boy! I had an inclination with him and would have been incredibly shocked if he had been a girl! This time around, I really don't know. I had a dream a few weeks ago that we were having a girl. I kind of expect us to have a boy since our first was a boy, and I just imagine myself as a boy mom, but who knows. God knows, and we will found out in due time.

When is Baby #2 due?

LB2's official due date is December 30th, but I can promise you LB2 will be arriving earlier than that. The little Drennan people will most likely be more or less a month apart. If Baby #2 was born on his/her due date, then they would actually only be a week apart. But the Dr. said her goal was to get me to 37 weeks and then I would most likely be induced at that time. I told her that my goal was to bring my baby home from the hospital. I would say our goals are more or less exactly the same. So we are guessing and I should really say hoping LB2 won't arrive until the first week of December. I wish we could hope for closer to the due date but the chances of that are slim.

So why did Jack arrive 6 weeks early again and how do you know this won't happen again with LB2?

The truth is...we don't. We could go through the exact same thing we went through with Jack. I could be hospitalized for a week, go into preterm labor, have a baby that is having heart decelerations and ultimately have a c-section...and a baby that is in the NICU for 3 weeks. Peter said if we had to go through all of that over again, then we may have to rethink having more kids in the future. Our hope and prayer is that this time it would be different. But only time will tell, and as traumatic as Jack's birth story was, it truly could have been so much worse. The difference this time around is that we are emotionally prepared to relive it all again. We know what that looks like. And we were so tremendously blessed by Jack's three weeks in the hospital. We got to know our baby while being surrounded with caring professionals who taught us how to care for him. How to hold him. How to feed him. How to change his diaper. How to touch him. And it was beautiful really. And the funny thing is...we don't know what it looks like to bring our baby home from the hospital.

And the reason why I was hospitalized in the first place was because I was diagnosed with high blood pressure at nine weeks pregnant with Jack. So they monitored me really closely, and told me all along that I would have a small baby due to the blood pressure medication I was on, which meant I would most likely have a c-section because he would reach a point where he would grow better outside of the womb than in. Also, considering he was small, he wouldn't be able to handle contractions, which would ultimately result in a c-section. Now my case was unique because I actually went into labor and had contractions and was dilating and everything the day Jack arrived...but with every contraction his heart rate dropped. Hence, a c-section.

So we are seeing an OB this time around vs. midwives and a blood pressure specialist. The OB is able to monitor my blood pressure all on her own and it's been great so far. She actually suggested I get off the blood pressure medication and just see what my blood pressure does, and if I'm honest, my blood pressure is normal at home when I test it...most of the time. And of course it's always a bit higher when I go to the Drs. office. But I think her hope is that we continue as things are without the medication, and baby continues to grow at his/her own pace without the medication. I'm sure in due time she will have to put me back on something, all in the hopes of preventing preeclampsia, but for now things are good.

This Drs. perspective is incredibly different than the specialist I saw with Jack, which has been really interesting. We feel empowered with options and truly a part of our medical decision making process, and that feels really good. This OB is okay with higher blood pressures (130/85), and the specialist was not. He wanted me to have normal blood pressures throughout my entire pregnancy even if that meant I would have a teeny baby. Different priorities. Different stories. Different people.

So how far along are you then...I'd rather not do the math?

So as of today I'm 16 weeks pregnant, which means baby is about the size of an avocado! I'm feeling pretty good now but the first trimester was rough. I was just so tired. There were days I would literally lay on the bed and shut the door and let Jack roam around the bedroom, opening drawers, pulling clothes out of the closet and things out from under the bed. And I didn't even care that I was going to have to clean up after him. I was too tired to care. And if I'm honest, I'm still really tired and even take naps during the day without felling guilty about it...even when there's laundry to fold or dishes to do or a house to clean. I have extended so much grace to myself this time around and my husband is amazing!

How does this pregnancy compare to the first?

Being pregnant the second time around is really different than the first time around.  I don't really have time to focus on the baby inside of me and quite often forget that I'm even pregnant. Shh...don't tell LB2. It still feels extremely surreal to be honest...surreal to be having another baby and surreal that we now have a toddler.  I am indifferent to sweets - just want carbs and I'm not a huge fan of vegetables, only if I can dip them in Ranch dressing. I still don't like the smell of bacon. Gross. I want everything to be ice, ice cold. Maybe that has something to do with the 90 degree heat we are having these days. Who knows? I was doing so good with exercising and eating healthy and counting my steps with my UP band...and then I found out I was pregnant, the UP band broke, and now I have no interest in exercising or counting my steps. I'm incredibly indifferent and utterly exhausted. The thought of running makes me feel sick...haha...again, maybe it's because it's so hot out! I know, I know...I really should start exercising again, or else I'm just going to pile on the weight with all those carbs I'm eating!

And that's all for now folks. I realized recently that I was already 16 weeks pregnant when we revealed our big news about Little Buddy AKA Jack - read about that reveal here.

And here's the sweet photo we posted on Instagram and Facebook today. Love this little guy. "What's that you say? I'm going to be a big brother??"

xoxo,

From our Family of four!