Love and Respect.

So for the past few weeks Peter and I have been reading this book together called Love and Respect, and I must say we love it, or at least I do! It has been fun to read a book together again, and he was suppose to take it to the Dominican Republic with him, but unfortunately he forgot it, probably on purpose! So now I have to wait like a whole week before reading from it again. Turns out the book is actually funny and we have had some laugh out loud moments while reading it. There have been many far too many times where I have thought, gosh his wife sounds just like ME! And he sounds just like Peter.

Some insights...In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. Interesting huh that the woman isn’t called to love her husband, but to respect him. Loving him comes naturally for her, and not so much for him. The main message in the book is that without love, women react, and without respect men react and he calls this the CRAZY CYCLE. When a husband feels disrespected, it is hard for him to love his wife, and when a wife feels unloved it is hard for her to respect her husband.

He writes, “I leave wet towels where they don’t belong. I leave a loaf of bread on the counter. I leave the counter doors open. I leave book stacked on the living room floor. I have an excuse, of course: I am mentally preoccupied…now don’t get me wrong. I am not a pig. But I am married to Sarah, who is the epitome of neatness and cleanliness, and I flunk by her standards. She is not a perfectionist, but she is logical. Why leave a towel on the bed when a rack is in the bathroom waiting for the towel? Why leave a cupboard door open when the hinge functions both ways? “ – OH MAN I LOVE THIS because I am Sarah and Peter is him. However, I unlike Sarah think gosh why can’t Peter pick up after himself…he knows that it matters to me. If he really loved me he would pick up after himself because he knows it means a lot to me. And the author, Emerson, says that’s the WORST thing you can assume. The bottom line is, your husband does love you, and the wife can’t attack him with that assumption. That was a new insight!

The author, Emerson, writes about how men and women send each other messages in code, based on gender, even though we don't intend to. And he gives a great example as to how this plays out at home as couples are getting dressed in the morning.

She says, " I have nothing to wear." (she means she has nothing new.)
He says, " I have nothing to wear." (he means he has nothing clean.)

I love this example because it is so very true! He then goes on to say that the difference between men and women is that women look at the world through pink sunglasses that color all she sees, while men look at the world through blue sunglasses that color all he sees. Men and women can look at precisely the same situation and see life much differently. He then mentions how men and women also hear differently - God created men with blue hearing aids and women with pink hearing aids. They may hear the same words but get much different messages.

Ephesians 5 commands husbands to love their wives, and commands wives to respect their husbands. Is it really that simple? Why does it seem so much easier than it actually is? I feel like this way of thinking is everywhere now, and on my way to work they were talking about Love and Respect, not the book, but the concepts. The radio host was saying how when her and her husband got married they wrote out their marriage expectations. She of course had pages of expectations, while her husband had about 5 and all of them centered around RESPECT. Then she went on to say for men and women love means different things...for men love IS respect. And after 8 months of marriage I have realized that Peter does want to be loved, but ultimately he longs to be respected.

Overall, I would recommend the book to all married couples and we are only two chapters in! I'll let you know if my thoughts are altered once its finished.