Back to work.

So I have been back to work for 3 months now.  This is what my work space looked like the first week back, and if I'm honest, it still looks like this minus the daffodils of course.  I should add a little bit of spice to it, like a plant, or some updated photos, or a dirty mug or something.

My schedule for the past few months has been two days in the office, two days at home, and then Fridays off (I tend to work a few hours from home on Fridays).

It's hard waking up in the morning and getting myself sorted for work, while also trying to get Jack sorted for the day, which truly just involves a morning feed and a diaper change considering I'm not having to take him anywhere.

My days in the office and my days at home look very different.

The days I'm in the office, Peter's at home with Jack.  And boy does this calm my heart!  It's so nice to walk out that door and know that Jack is in the best hands.  Plus, I can literally just walk out the door.  I don't have to wait for a babysitter to show up, I don't have to drop Jack off anywhere.  I don't have to get bottles sorted or diapers ready because Peter can do it all!  After all, he is Mr. Mom.

On an office day I normally wake up at 6:45, if Jack hasn't woken me up before then.  And I take time to feed him and cuddle with him.  And I spend so much time doing those things that quite often I feel extremely rushed in the morning even though I only need 30 minutes to get myself ready.  And quite often, I take my breakfast and sometimes my makeup on the road.

My mornings look really different on the days I work from home.  I still wake up around the same time, but I'm so much more relaxed.  Everything happens in it's own time and at it's own pace.  I might do a load of laundry, make myself a cup of coffee and some breakfast, tidy up the house a bit, spend some time with Jack, maybe go for a walk/run, and then settle down to do some work.  I'm paid hourly, so I'm paid for the hours of work I do, and let's be honest, some days I do more work than others.  Most days I'm up late at night trying to make up for the work I didn't do during the day, and that's hard.

It's hard not being in the office every day and it's hard not being at home every day.  And it's really hard living in that tension.

It's hard being split between the two.  When I'm at work, I'm eagerly awaiting news from home, and when I'm at home, I'm focused on my work, or at least I try to be, and I feel guilty giving Jack my undivided attention because than I get nothing done work wise.  I feel like I'm dropping all sorts of balls and not giving anything 100%.  And it's so hard.

I'm torn.  And my heart is split.  And I feel guilty.

I'm juggling so many balls, and I'm bound to drop at least one one of these days, if I haven't already done so!  

So my prayer has been for balance - that I would find balance between all the things I am juggling right now.  That I wouldn't feel guilty for being at work or for being at home.  That I could be present where I'm present.  And that with time it would get easier.  I am beyond thankful for my job and beyond thankful for my supervisor and his willingness to let me work from home.  Peter and I are both so blessed to be able to have this time with Jack.

Praising God for the little things!