Dreams.

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So tell me...How many of you have had some powerful dreams?  Dreams that felt so real when you awoke?  Dreams that left you a little unsettled?

My sleep has been extremely disrupted the past week, so I can't even recall the dreams I've had recently.  But I have definitely had some dreams that have left me unsettled.  I have definitely had dreams that felt extremely real.  Like this one.

When Peter and I first started dating I remember he would come to work in the morning and be mad at me ...he hadn't even given me a chance to DO anything and he was already mad.  I was so confused. And then after much prodding, I realized that he had been having dreams, terrible dreams, dreams that left him unsettled, dreams that felt so real.  All of his dreams centered around the fear of losing me.

Anyhow, a few weeks ago, I woke up from the most unsettling dream.  And I had to tell Peter about it straight away...I had dreamt that I had contracted some type of illness or disease that was extremely contagious and had put me in a coma for months.  Peter greeted me when I awoke from the coma, and I instantly asked for Jack. Where is he?  Bring him to me.  And Peter looked at me with the saddest eyes and had to tell me that while I was in the coma, Jack had died.  I had given him the illness that I had and he had died from it.  UGH...I get teary eyed just thinking about that.  Oh the grief...the sadness.  I went into a dark place...It felt so real.

And then I woke up.

I awoke from the dream so eager to realize that it was just that...a dream.  It was not my reality.   But I was unsettled nonetheless.

And as I was sharing this dream with Peter, he turned to me and said I had a terrible dream last night too.  I dreamt that you met someone else...and that you left me and Jack for this new man.

And although our dreams were different, the foundation of them was the same.  The dreams were driven by our fear, our fear of losing someone, of losing our son, of losing our spouse.

And although the dreams were extremely disturbing and completely unsettling, I found comfort in the knowledge of how far Peter and I have come.  We openly shared our dreams and the fears that were laced within them.  We openly shared the depth of emotions that spewed forth from these dreams and we captured our thoughts and we prayed. And we chose not to listen to the devils falsehoods, but to believe God.  And I have no doubt both of us started off our mornings a little unnerved, but this moment was turned into a beautiful one.

However it did leave me wondering...have I turned my son into an idol?  Have we turned our marriage into an idol? Do we live in the fear of losing one or the other?  Would we be able to stand and move on if we lost our son or our spouse?  Or would that loss break us?  Is our hope solely in those beings or is our hope in the One true being?

These are just a few of the questions I started to ask myself.  It's so easy for me to throw myself fully into my roles of being a mom and being a wife, and it's easy for me to lose sight of my role as a child of God and to live in this place of fear.

But this fear is not from the Lord, this I know, and these dreams served as a beautiful reminder to me that Christ is my lifeline and my hope is in Him. And for this I am thankful!

Blessed,

Malia