The Lucky Ones.

It has been a month since I last wrote. A whole month. Where does the time go?  I think I say that every post.

I find myself looking back tonight and feeling extremely nostalgic and extremely emotional.  These are my thoughts - they are real, true, and honest, and tears are brimming at my eyes as I type. 

For some reason I have been running across some really sad posts on facebook, all of them centering around the premature death of a baby, the loss of a child, a spouse, a friend, or the diagnosis of an illness, and my heart breaks.  It literally shatters into so many tiny little pieces, and I find myself reading through all the comments, words of encouragements, offers of prayer and support, from people that I don't even know.

And I am reminded of all that we went through with Jack more than a year ago.  And I can't help but feel so lucky. Our son is alive. He didn't suffer from any complications from arriving 6 weeks early. His eyesight is great, his heart is strong, he eats like a champ. And in a year's time, you will have no idea he had such a rocky start to life.  His 4 lb self doesn't exist any longer. He is thriving in every sense of the word. And he is alive. And I feel lucky.

But I can't help but ask...what about the babies that were in the NICU with him? Where are they now? What about the one that needed heart surgery? Or what about the one who weighed just a lb? Or the ones that spent months in the intensive care unit? Are they thriving now? And would their parents consider themselves lucky? They are living and breathing and they may have complications, but they are alive.

The reality is death and tragedy surrounds us. We simply can not escape it no matter how far we run. And sometimes if I'm honest, I want to run really far. I want to think I'm immune to it all - that I'm one of the lucky ones. It's easier that way right? The truth is, I don't know how I would handle the grief that would envelope me if Jack or Peter were to die tomorrow, if my mom was to be diagnosed with cancer, if I was to be diagnosed with cancer. How would I handle it? Would I turn toward God or away from Him?

I can ask so many hypothetical questions and try to justify my anger and rationalize my grief, but the bottom line is, would I not be one of the lucky ones even if Jack were to die tomorrow? We have had a whole year with our little man and some only get months, days, or even hours. We brought our son home, alive, from the hospital, and some never even get that privilege.

Would I not be one of the lucky ones even if I was diagnosed with cancer?

Would I not be one of the lucky ones even if ......(insert your choice of tragedy)?

The truth is life is not about luck. Life is about love and a relationship with our Heavenly Father. And this relationship with the Lord is what makes me one of the lucky ones. May I never EVER forget this. And may He truly be my lifeline. The end.