You don't have to say you're sorry

 

I'm sorry.

This is what so many people have been saying to us lately.

I'm so sorry you're walking through this.

I'm so sorry, I'm sure it feels so hard right now.

I'm just so terribly sorry.

And the truth is, you don't have to say you're sorry.

We already know you are.

We can see it in your eyes and feel it in your tight embrace.

Obviously, we wouldn't wish our experience on anyone, and I'm sure you wouldn't either, but the truth is, this is where we are.

This is the story God is writing for our family.

This is the story He is writing for Conor.

And we're not going to wish it away. But rather, we're going to lean into it fully.

We have no idea why this chapter is being written.

I have no idea why we have yet another baby in the NICU, why I have to leave the hospital yet again without a baby in my arms, why I have high blood pressure in the first place nor do I know why it resulted in preeclampsia only this time and not the other two times. 

But we do and it did.

And quite often we never know why we go through hard things till later, or we may never see the full picture till we meet Jesus face to face.

I don't know just what the Lord is doing, but I trust that He is at work in this.

I have to trust that.

I have to trust that there is a reason for this heartache and a bigger purpose for this pain.

And I know there is as I've seen it first hand just within my own heart as I continue to lean in to the suffering, and as I continue to see the growth of character not only in me but in those around me.

We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

And we fully believe this and have experienced it fully this past year. We have seen the growth that comes from our suffering, we have seen the strength of character through perseverance, and we have experienced the hope that comes with all of it.

And we believe in that hope and we welcome those times of suffering because we know in the end we'll be better for it, our character will be stronger and our faith more deeply rooted.

So you don't have to say you're sorry.

Because the truth is, we're not.

Grief and Hard Things

 

My heart feels so heavy this morning, so I turned cartoons on for the boys, made myself a cup of coffee and crawled back into bed with my computer on my lap.

Friends, this week as I have shared the loss of our baby with others and the grief that has come with that, I have heard some really hard stories, and my heart feels so heavy as I reflect on those stories.

One mom shared that they've decided to just have one child, so they were thinking about downsizing their car and remaining in their smallish home, and I thought to myself, I wonder how they came to that conclusion. And then as I shared with her about my miscarriage, she shared with me about hers. She told me about her babies, and the twin that died in utero right after the first trimester, while I looked at the one who lived as she ran around the playground with my boys. And she told me about the miscarriages that followed due to her rare blood disorder.

Her vulnerability and courage was inspiring, and her grief was palpable as her voice caught as she shared how she's still wrestling with the thought that her daughter will be her only. She asked me what it was like taking two kids anywhere and she asked about their sibling relationship, and my heart just broke. Here I am yearning for another child, a third child, and she is yearning for just two, for what I already had!

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for - Epicurus

And then just a day or so later I heard another story, and if the first story cracked my heart a little, this one shattered it, leaving pieces all over the floor. This story began with a waiting game of a year or so of trying to get pregnant, then came the sheer joy and excitement when it happened! And I'd love to say, that baby is now outside of the womb and in her mama's arms, but that's not how this story ends or begins depending on how you look at it. This baby was born about a month ago via c-section, and her life ended just 10 days later as she was born with an unanticipated brain injury. And while that chapter in the story ends, the mamas grief lives on. One story ends, but another story of deep, deep grief and healing and restoration begins.

As I sit here in that grief, I'm just overwhelmed by all those stories that I have heard and all those I have yet to hear, all those stories of hurt, of pain, of deep, deep grief that have eventually led to healing and restoration as they live into what is rather than hoping for what will be or what could have been.

And as friends share with me their pregnancy news, I rejoice with them and the story God is writing for their family, while yearning for God to write another child into our story.

And amidst the waiting and anticipating and releasing and laying down, I'm reminded that this is what life is all about. Life is full of challenges, trials and tribulations. We all walk through grief and hard things, and our response to those hard things lies in our own hands.

We can choose whether we will turn toward Him, allowing for something new to be born, for someone new to be born, or we can choose to turn away from Him, turning inward in our grief, spiraling deeper and deeper down into the depths of despair.

Will we turn outward and pour ourselves out, revealing our hurts and aches and pains, exposing our vulnerable souls, while allowing God to transform us and heal us, showcasing His work within us to the world?

Will we cling to the hope that He promises, or will we get lost in our own grief and forget about all those promises?

Will we turn outward?

Or will we turn inward?

God is at work in all of our lives. Yet, do we truly believe this?

Do we create space to show that work even amidst the grief and hard things?

Do we open ourselves up to Him to allow Him to use our story and our grief for His glory?

These are the questions I've been asking myself.

I wrote this post about Grief and Sad things nearly 5 years ago to the day, while I was pregnant with Jack, never dreaming that I'd be the one walking through the loss of a child, never dreaming that God would write that chapter into our story. But He has, and now we get to choose how we respond to that loss, while trusting that God is at work in all of it. 

God is your Provider

God is your provider.

It is so easy to speak this, but how many actually believe it and live into it?

How many of us actually witness God's provision?

And how quick are we to actually play God and be our own providers?

And what does it even mean for God to provide?

These are the questions we have been wrestling with as we enter into month 11 of unemployment.  To say this has been a trying time for our family may be a bit of an understatement, and we have good days and we have bad days.

Over the last 11 months, I've seen my husband wrestle with his calling, his sense of worth, his trust in the Lord, his (fill in the blank). And I've wrestled with my own issues, mainly how to support and encourage and love him well in this season.

And yet amidst all the wrestling, God has provided. We've been blown away by His provision. And as I type this, tears stream down my face as I'm just so overwhelmed by His faithfulness and His goodness in our lives.

We have had the privilege of witnessing God as our provider in a way we never have before. And if I'm incredibly honest, it's so humbling and beautiful. We have surrendered everything to Him and it's so freeing, yet also incredibly terrifying.

And through it all, I've realized just how little money we can actually live on. It's truly all about choices, the financial choices we make or don't make. And the money we save, spend or give away.

We have learned so much about stewardship and how we spend our money. We've made sacrifices and cut costs even more than I thought possible. I've cut back on my retirement contribution and we've changed healthcare plans. And I can't remember the last time we went out to eat with friends or with each other. We simply don't have the luxury right now to spend money on anything extra or unnecessary.

And although it's terribly humbling, I've learned so much. And we've learned to truly trust God as our provider. We've learned to rejoice even when we can't see what's ahead because we know what's there. We hold fast to God's faithfulness and to the joy that comes from Him and through Him. Our worth is in Him. It doesn't come from a job or a paycheck and this season has reminded us of this truth.

And everything we say and do should bring honor and glory to Him. Does this honor Him? Does this glorify Him? That should be our measure. And that doesn't mean we can't grieve when Peter's not offered a job he's interviewed for, nor does it mean we can't cry out to Him. It doesn't mean we don't come to Him kicking and screaming but it does mean we don't let that grief overcome us because we know His lasting joy and His everlasting hope.

May we continue to hold fast to our faith as we continue to witness God as our provider. 

The Lucky Ones.

It has been a month since I last wrote. A whole month. Where does the time go?  I think I say that every post.

I find myself looking back tonight and feeling extremely nostalgic and extremely emotional.  These are my thoughts - they are real, true, and honest, and tears are brimming at my eyes as I type. 

For some reason I have been running across some really sad posts on facebook, all of them centering around the premature death of a baby, the loss of a child, a spouse, a friend, or the diagnosis of an illness, and my heart breaks.  It literally shatters into so many tiny little pieces, and I find myself reading through all the comments, words of encouragements, offers of prayer and support, from people that I don't even know.

And I am reminded of all that we went through with Jack more than a year ago.  And I can't help but feel so lucky. Our son is alive. He didn't suffer from any complications from arriving 6 weeks early. His eyesight is great, his heart is strong, he eats like a champ. And in a year's time, you will have no idea he had such a rocky start to life.  His 4 lb self doesn't exist any longer. He is thriving in every sense of the word. And he is alive. And I feel lucky.

But I can't help but ask...what about the babies that were in the NICU with him? Where are they now? What about the one that needed heart surgery? Or what about the one who weighed just a lb? Or the ones that spent months in the intensive care unit? Are they thriving now? And would their parents consider themselves lucky? They are living and breathing and they may have complications, but they are alive.

The reality is death and tragedy surrounds us. We simply can not escape it no matter how far we run. And sometimes if I'm honest, I want to run really far. I want to think I'm immune to it all - that I'm one of the lucky ones. It's easier that way right? The truth is, I don't know how I would handle the grief that would envelope me if Jack or Peter were to die tomorrow, if my mom was to be diagnosed with cancer, if I was to be diagnosed with cancer. How would I handle it? Would I turn toward God or away from Him?

I can ask so many hypothetical questions and try to justify my anger and rationalize my grief, but the bottom line is, would I not be one of the lucky ones even if Jack were to die tomorrow? We have had a whole year with our little man and some only get months, days, or even hours. We brought our son home, alive, from the hospital, and some never even get that privilege.

Would I not be one of the lucky ones even if I was diagnosed with cancer?

Would I not be one of the lucky ones even if ......(insert your choice of tragedy)?

The truth is life is not about luck. Life is about love and a relationship with our Heavenly Father. And this relationship with the Lord is what makes me one of the lucky ones. May I never EVER forget this. And may He truly be my lifeline. The end.

What a difference a Year makes.

I'm so behind the times, and I meant to post this on new years day, but alas, I didn't.  

So here we are a whole week after new years.

And the theme of the past few weeks has truly been one of nostalgia and reflection.

If you are looking for a birthday post for Jack, this is not it.  But you can find it here.

When December 18, 2013 hit, Peter and I made sure to acknowledge the fact that just one year prior, we were packing our bags to fly out to Ireland.  

And as I sat in the quiet of the house that morning as everyone was still sleeping, I wrote this.  

I am reminded of all that has happened this past year.   I was getting ready to get on a plane to Ireland.  So full of joy and anticipation and excitement to spend the holidays in Ireland with family…our plans were good right?  I mean what could go wrong…and then all those plans came crashing down after our last appointment with our midwife where she informed us we wouldn’t be traveling to Ireland for Christmas after all.  I was devastated, embarrassingly so.  The poor husband having to deal with my emotional mess.  I remember driving home from the appointment, in the pouring rain, and barely being able to see passed my tears.  Oh the tears that were shed.  I remember sobbing uncontrollably, kind of like Cameron Diaz in the movie the Holiday.  

You can read all about my thoughts during this time here.  No need for me to rewrite everything.

But just know that I was hysterical, truly inconsolable, such a wreck and so very angry.  Angry at God, angry at the midwife, angry at my husband, angry at the situation as a whole.  I mean our plans were good, how dare God change them. 

Peter and I had no idea what awaited us in the coming weeks.

And on New Years Eve this year, I just kept thinking ...today was the day I was admitted to the hospital.  I can't believe it's been a year.  And as I read this post, I just kept thinking...My, what a difference a year makes!!  It seems so long ago, yet it seems like it was just yesterday.

And as I sit here a full year later, I laugh…I didn’t know what God was doing at the time, but He knew.  He always does and sometimes He even changes good plans for His glory.  Our hope and prayer is that through that experience and through Jack’s birth story, He would be glorified and honored.  And I’m thankful…so very thankful for all of you.  For your support, for your love and for your endless prayers. 

May you take time to rest in His plans and may you continue to allow the Lord to truly transform you to be used fully for His glory in the coming year!! 

Much love,

The Drennan's

Desiring more.

Lately, I have been desiring a deeper intimacy with Christ.

I yearn for something deeper.  I desire more.

Yet, instead of clinging to Christ, I find that I look to other people for inspiration.  I am inspired by their intimacy with Christ, and I want what they have.  And quite often that inspiration slowly turns to despair as I begin to think about how much farther I have to go.  And quite often I feel as though I fall short.  I am so critical of myself.  I am always wanting more...more...more, and I am never satisfied with where I am at with the Lord.  I always think I should be serving more, praying more, reading more, learning more.

You get the point right?  I desire a deeper relationship with Christ - and nothing is wrong with that right?  The desire is real and it is valid.  Yet, amidst that desire, I compare and I covet and I criticize.

It is so easy for me to discredit the work of the Lord.  It is so easy for me to think about how much more room I have to grow rather than to think about the work He has already done in me.  Why is this so often the case?  Why is it so easy for me to forget about God's grace in my own life?

I long for this year to be different.  I long for 2012 to be the beginning of something beautiful!

I want to be inspired by others, and I want that inspiration to carry me to a deeper level of intimacy with Christ, and I want to be quick to recognize God's goodness and grace in my life.  I don't think that's too much to ask.  Do you?

How He Loves.

So as I was driving to Bellevue to have dinner with my sister last Thursday, the song How he loves by David Crowder Band came on the Radio!  I love that song and it just got me thinking about this job interview I had this past Monday (on Valentines Day!).  I wasn't going to post about it, but figured I should because it is such a beautiful story of God's faithfulness and how much He really does love us.

So Monday I had an interview.  I didn't really know WHERE I was going, nor what to expect, but I knew I was excited, I knew that people were praying HARD for me, and I knew that I was going to be late!  So I arrived at the security gate, and told the man that my name was Malia Drennan and I was here to meet with so and so, and I wasn't sure if I was in the right place.  The security man kindly informed me that I was in the right place and his simple words, "Good luck with the interview!" not only put a huge smile on my face, but also put me at ease.  

So I parked the car as informed and was that much closer to the actual interview.  I walked into the unmarked building and introduced myself at reception.  I must admit I was slightly baffled when the woman asked me for my id and took a picture of me for security purposes.  I felt like I was at the airport or something!  And as the woman looked over my drivers license, the woman beside her chuckled, and I simply stood there smiling sheepishly, thinking they were laughing at me or something.  But maybe to calm my nerves or maybe to let me in on the joke, the woman kindly stated, "you two have the same name."

Now, for all of those who know me know that my name is RARE...soo RARE that people have the darnedest time pronouncing it ALWAYS regardless of how much instruction I may give them in advance.  But the best part was that not only did this woman have the same name as me - same spelling and everything, but she nearly had the same middle name as me!!  She said "so your middle name is Lani" and I said "yeah it sure is - super hawaiian" and she said "my middle name is Leilani."  I literally laughed out loud and thought to myself "gosh...God you sure are funny!"

This conversation completely put me at ease and I was left with so much excitement for the interview and the days ahead!  I mean I knew people were praying HARD for me that day and I felt that prayer so intensely.  But my absolute favorite part of the day was meeting Malia Leilani because it was in THAT moment that I was reminded of the Lord's tremendous presence in my life.  He knew where I was at that time and thought I would be amused by this chance meeting with another Malia (Lei)Lani.  Well let me tell you, He was right!!  And I left the interview so full of joy and filled with so much grace and simply overwhelmed by the Lord's love for me.

Who knows if I will get the job - kind of left feeling as though it wouldn't be the best fit for either party!  But I did leave fully knowing that God has a plan for this whole job thing and I just have to continue to be patient and continue to pursue Him through it all.  I am still unsure as to what that job is and when it will fall into my lap, but I am so sure of God's love for me - His everlasting love for me...His love for us all.  So here is one of my all time favorite songs...listen at your own risk!!  You may become slightly addicted.  And I must admit I have listened to it about 6 times since starting this post.

Newlywed Group.

As I was searching for pictures for this post...this lovely picture of Jessica and Nick popped up, and I just couldn't resist the urge to use it for this post! Gosh don't you remember this show? I know I DO! BUT ...the catch is...they are no longer newlyweds and they are no longer married! I can't even imagine having cameras follow me around all day ...taping EVERYTHING...my best moments and my absolute worst. Gosh I can be crazy sometimes...and how terrible would it be to have my crazy moments taped so that I could replay them over and over again! But this post isn't about Jessica and Nick Lachey and their Newlywed show or my crazy moments. This post is about our newlywed group...and beautiful marriages and families that are true reflections of Christ.

So ever since Peter and I got married we have been yearning to join some type of a newlywed group through our church, but our church at the time was restructuring groups...so we waited, and waited and a whole year went by and we received an email asking us if we were still interested in joining a group. We replied enthusiastically with a yes..yes..yes...BUT we have been married over a year now. Soo..the big question is...How long do you have to be married before people stop considering you newlyweds?

Well Peter and I officially joined a newlywed group a few months ago, and it has been such a true blessing! I don't even know where to begin...the couples in the group have only been married a few months. So we definitely have been married the longest, but they gave us the go ahead and said that even after a year we are still newlyweds!! So we figured we would stay in the group!!

We have met about 6 times now and begin each session by eating together! I must say one of my absolute favorite parts about our group is the couple that leads it and their beautiful daughters!! Oh my goodness...it has been such a joy to be around such beautiful and joyful children. As some of you may know I wasn't one for babysitting growing up and even now I am not surrounded by children ...and I miss it. But then I think how can I miss something I have never really had?? Well let me tell you...when Tuesday rolls around I am excited to get to the Werner's to see the girls!...don't get me wrong I love the adults, but THESE. KIDS. ARE. PRECIOUS. And their joy is contagious...I find myself yearning for one of them to sit by me during dinner...I find myself stretching out my hand to theirs...I find myself laughing at their little jokes...and longing for them to laugh at mine...I find myself making far too many silly faces...and I even find myself getting a LITTLE jealous when they are paying attention to someone else.

But more importantly...I truly find myself admiring their parents, Tiffany and Jonathan, for their strength, for their love for their family and our God, and for their willingness to host a group at their house even amidst all the goings on in their own lives!!! So let me just take a moment to enlighten you on the goings on...They just recently moved to a different house to be closer to Children's Hospital because this past January, at the tender age of 4, their daughter Michaela was diagnosed with leukamia. My heart breaks just thinking about this to be honest...and I barely know these people!! I should also add that Tiffany, the mom, was 7 months pregnant when this news broke and gave birth to Emily March in...MARCH. And please ALSO keep in mind that they have an older daughter Madeline, whose 8th birthday is right around the corner!

I could type all day about this family...BUT i won't. I just want to say that Peter and I have been blessed so abundantly by this group, by the beautiful Werner family, and by Tiffany and Jonathan's honesty...and if you are interested in hearing more about this family...Tiffany keeps a blog and she writes beautifully even if she may not know it!

Job Search.

Now I know I have posted on here in the past about my desires for a new job...but I figured it currently is a continual song that replays itself over and over again in my heart and in my mind. So I suppose I should write some more about this continual song.

So here goes...Have you ever wanted something soo bad that you were hoping and praying that the Lord willed it? I spent my entire Saturday a few weekends ago applying for jobs at the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation. I was a little upset, annoyed, irritated because it was soo nice out but I told myself I had things to do and resumes and cover letters to revamp. The catch is…I would love to work for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation…I really would. But I have come to realize that I don’t think that is something I really want RIGHT now. My heart doesn’t beat fast when I think about it…my emotions don’t begin to surface…and sometimes my mind even wanders when thinking about what my tasks may be.

I know the Lord has plans for me and I know without a doubt that He is calling me into something different than what I am currently doing. And although my heart yearns for something different, it also begins to ache when I think about leaving my present job. The bottom line is…I will be terribly sad to leave my coworkers because they are not just coworkers, they are dear friends, and I will even miss the tasks that have become mundane simply from repitition and familiarity.

But I know the Lord has called me, and so I must respond. He has called me into something different and for soo long I didn’t quite know what that different was…I had put off applying for things because I wasn’t excited about anything and it had to be something I was excited about if I was going to leave my amazing coworkers. These coworkers have become my family. These coworkers know me, my life, my struggles, my passions, my hopes and my dreams. These coworkers have listened to me rant and rave about life, love and marriage. These coworkers have challenged me to be a better person. These coworkers have loved me and embraced me. But the time has come and the Lord has called me…and as much as I would love a job that involves different tasks, it is more essential that I be surrounded by a community of people that I love.

So I have stepped out and I have applied for jobs...one that puts a smile on my face and gets my heart racing, while the others simply leave me indifferent. And I don't think God wants me to be indifferent about my job. Sarah told me about a certain job a few weeks ago as we were making the 5 hour drive to Spokane. She basically opened up a can of worms and as soon as I got home I knew I had to pursue it. I couldn’t sleep that night. The Lord kept me awake for some strange reason, and I was tossing and turning all night, while my mind wandered. And it was wandering to all the good moments I had experienced while in college...to Tuesdays at the Inn, core groups, Deputation, meeting Peter, sorority life, God's faithfulness in it all. It was wandering to my hopes and desires for my life and how God truly shaped me during my college years. It was wandering to the amazing people I met in college and the beautiful community that has continued from it. I was reminded of all those pivotal moments and how all those moments have value now eventhough it may not have seemed that way at the time. All this being said...the application and interview process was such a wonderful experience, and it simply served as a beautiful reminder that there are jobs out there that I could be really excited about and truly honored to have!

Random Act of Kindness.

Someone told me today of an amazing story that involved a random act of kindness. I have always heard OF these stories, but have never heard it from the lips of someone near and dear to my heart. So this friend has been in a financial bind and it truly seemed as if everything that could go wrong was going wrong. First it was the washer and dryer, next it was the water heater, then to top it all off someone hit her car. It seemed as if one terrible thing was happening after another, and I quite often wondered when she was going to get a break!

Just this afternoon she informed me that she received a check in the mail from an anonymous donor. REALLY?? this stuff actually happens to people I know. She said she put the envelope in the recycling bin because she assumed it was junk mail. Then she took it back out of the bin because she started to second guess herself and when she took the contents out of the envelope she was in shock. Turns out the envelope contained a cashiers check in HER name. She first thought it was a joke and that the check was fake, but she licked her finger and when her finger graced the check, the ink smeared, proving itself real...just goes to show you that God does take care of us even when we doubt Him. God is good all the time, all the time God is good. Thanks be to God for his glory, power and might.

Girlfriends.

Well I have a few moments before peter comes home from his core group and I wanted to share some thoughts. So I just came home from bible study and I am wondering how long it will take me to come down from my high. Now it may be a result of spending good, quality time with my girlfriends or it could be spending good, quality time talking about God, or it could be both...spending good, quality time with girlfriends talking about God. Now I have always valued my friends and I have always known just how blessed I am to have people in my life who I love and care about and who love and care about me. But some things change when you get married. I spent most of my life living in community with women - growing up it was my mom and sister until my sister moved out when I was 17, and then there was the glorious sorority days where I lived with 100 girls from 18-22, and then there was the 5224 house and the 136 which were both filled with beautiful women, and I can't forget to mention that somewhere in there I also lived with two boys and that experience partially prepared me for living with Peter.

I have been blessed with amazing women in my life, and once I got married and moved in with a boy, I was once again reminded of this tremendous blessing. Don't get me wrong I adore my new roommate, who just told me a minute ago that he would fart in my face if I didn't move to my side of the bed, but obviously as one can tell it's very different. I mean truly my female roommates never would have said that! I miss the spontaneity of friendships, the late night talks, carrying the burdens, baked goods, sharing meals together, and ultimately, intimately sharing life together because you live in such close quarters. But thankfully, I see my girlfriends every Monday for bible study and the time flies by, but it is beautiful because God always shows up. Within this group we have the capacity to be real, raw and vulnerable and I fully trust that these women will listen with open hearts and open ears and support me through it all. I truly thank God for this group of women and I am already looking forward to meeting next Monday and sharing our raw encounters with God.

From the Inside Out.

So we sang this song at church on Sunday and as soon as the band started strumming on their guitars, I realized what song it was going to be. I must admit, my eyes started tearing up and the memories came streaming into my mind. There are certain songs and certain moments that transport me directly back to a specific moment in time. The first time I heard this song was in Belfast, and I instantly thought about how hard that year was, how I clung to the Lord, and how I would play this song OVER and OVER and OVER again, and while everyone else around me was tiring of the song my love for it was simply growing stronger! I thought about my dear friends Serenus and Lindsay who I haven't seen in AGES! I thought about how challenged I was that year, how much my relationship with the Lord grew, and how much I grew personally from that relationship and countless others.


So the lyrics...I love the lyrics.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
(love the imagery of losing myself in Christ)

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

And the Truth is...the cry of my heart IS to bring Him praise, but sometimes I get so caught up in myself that I lose sight of that cry. My hope and prayer is that I will continue to cry out to the Lord even when things seem hopeless, when I am disappointed, angry, frustrated and deeply hurt, when all I want to do is turn into myself and wallow in my sorrow, I will turn to Him.