Happy Birthday Little Man!

To our sweet, sweet boy,

Today is your first birthday. 

You have been in our lives and outside of my tummy for a full 365 days.

I'm sure I'll be saying this for the rest of your life - but it's crazy how fast this first year went.

All of this (Part one and Part two of your birth story) seems like such a distant memory, yet when I read over my thoughts tonight, the tears streamed down my cheeks, and the emotions came flowing back.

I remembered that night...I remember that entire day and the days leading up to it.  I remember sitting in a rocking chair sucking on ice chips while I watched the season premiere of Downton Abbey.  It had only just begun, and I was so content after an entire day of discomfort and throwing up.  However, the contentment was shortlived as the Drs. came into the room in a bit of a panic, they put an oxygen mask on me and they put the bed down, and they were searching for your heart beat.  In the midst of all of that, I remained calm.  I was eager to meet you, but I still don't think I realized that tonight would be the night.  But when the Drs. came back in and announced that it was go time...all I could do was cry, while one of the Drs. asked, "Are you freaking out?"...and I proclaimed through my tears of course, "We are going to have a baby!!...this is a BIG deal!" and she kindly replied by saying, "It is a big deal!"

And as I reread the words in your birth story (Part one and Part two), I closed my eyes and imagined where I was a year ago at this very time - 9:36 PM.  I imagined myself sitting there on that surgery table, all ready and prepped, with an IV in my hand, and my body all numb.  Your dad had probably just arrived in the room. And I was sick, really sick.  I had been throwing up all day, and my hair was drenched in throw up, along with the side of my face, and I was so hungry and thirsty and so very tired.  I yearned for something, someone familiar, and then your dad walked into the room...and I remember all the emotions...the joy, the fear, the anticipation of your arrival.  And I remember your dad's first words to me..."I thought they had forgotten about me!"  He waited for something like 35 minutes before someone came to get him to bring him to the surgery room - longest 35 minutes of his life I'm sure.  And they announced..."Dad's here, we can now begin."

And begin they did...and before we knew it, they had pulled you out of me, and you were screaming.  Most beautiful sound ever...and your dad turned to me and asked, as his eyes twinkled with joy, "Can I go see him"?  He took some photos of you and cut the cord and he brought you over to me so I could see you before they wheeled you away.

You weighed 4 lbs 2 oz and you were 16.5 inches long, and you were the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on!

You have come a long ways from those 4 lb days.  We are so proud of you.  It is an honor to watch you grow.

You started off your days in an incubator, with a feeding tube.  And now you are in a big boy crib, consuming anything we put in front of you.

You, my dear son, are such a treasure from the Lord.  It is an honor and a privilege to call myself your mom.

Your Auntie Laura sent me a message today that read, "I cannot believe it's been a year since Jack graced us with his adorable presence!  Good job on keeping him alive for 365 days."

Her message made me laugh, but then I started thinking...that in and of itself is quite an accomplishment, especially considering your dad and I have absolutely no idea what we are doing.  But one thing we do know how to do is snuggle you and smother you with kisses - one thing we know how to do is love you.

I can't even imagine my life without you in it, and I don't want to.

I had no idea how much my heart would stretch with love for you.  You are so deeply loved my sweet son.  Not only by your dad and I, but by your Creator.  He is the one that knit you together in my womb.  He is the one that created you.  May I never forget this and may I never take your life for granted.

I will love you forever my sweet, sweet son.

Happy first Birthday Jack Emmet!

Love,

Your mama

 our first photo together

a few days after you were born