Dear Jack and Ryan {3.5 years and 19 months}

Dear Jack and Ryan,

It's a Friday afternoon and the house is silent as you both are napping.

And I know this silence will soon come to an end and the laughter and the crying and the "mamas" will soon begin.

Oh the laughter and the crying...it's such a joy to watch you two interact and play together. And I chuckle to myself just thinking about the love/hate relationship you already have. You guys follow each other around and you wrestle and laugh and wrestle and laugh and then someone cries.

Ryan, you sometimes cry and come running to mama when Jack comes into the room as you have NO idea what he's going to do to you. Will he push you? Steal your toy? Sit on you? Kiss you? You'd rather not take your chances and you know mama will protect you...so I have become your safe haven. Just a few nights ago I put you in the bath, and then I put Jack in the bath, and you instantly wanted out, probably because you weren't sure if he'd dump water on your head or steal your toys or push you over in the bath and again, you didn't want to take your chances, so out you came. However, after I got you dressed and diapered, you toddled straight back to the bath. You didn't want in this time, and thought if you remained outside of the bath you'd be at a safe distance from your brother...sounds like a sound rationale right? WRONG! Jack took it upon himself to wash your hair all over again and he poured water all over you. You of course thought it was hilarious as did Jack!

And sometimes, Ryan you actually steal a toy from Jack and you just start running...and you have the most mischievous look on your face...a look of pure joy and satisfaction, while Jack is most definitely NOT satisfied, but rather furious.

Yet at the same time, you love your big brother so much and run over to him and give him hugs and kisses. And when he calls your name, you come running! And Jack's the same. He loves following his little brother around, watching to see what he gets into.

Just yesterday you (Ryan) were hollering at Jack from his highchair while he hollered back from his seat on the toilet, "Ryan, leave me space alone...I'm in the bathroom. Not now Ry guy." I just chuckled at the hilarity of this interaction.

And I love being a bystander as your relationship flourishes and develops, as you laugh and play, as you cry and fight, as you protect and look out for each other. Siblings are such a beautiful thing and it is such a privilege to witness that relationship blossom.

And as much as I love the noise and the chaos that you two bring, I also love the silence and the space to just sit and reflect on these last few years.

You two have changed me. You've refined me. You've tested me and pushed me beyond limits I didn't even know I had! You've brought out the ugly in me! And these past few days have been hard.

But you've also brought out this side of me I never knew even existed. The joy, the peace, the love, and such a deep spirit of contentment I never knew I could have. And I'm so grateful to be your mom. It is such an incredible privilege.

And as I type this amidst the silence, I eagerly await the sound of your little squeals of delight, your hugs and kisses, and your tears. All of it is such a blessing!

Love,

Mama