That First Year

A few months ago, a friends daughter celebrated her first birthday. And I sent her an email wishing her daughter a happy birthday and a happy birthing day to her! And I congratulated her on keeping herself and her daughter alive for 365 days. What an incredible accomplishment really, only by the grace of God.

And it just got me thinking about that first year of motherhood, that first year with your first child. And now that I'm three years removed from that first year, I can say that it truly goes so fast. Yet, when you're in the thick of it, some days feel so terribly long and some nights even longer. 

I love birthdays simply because I love reflecting on how much my kids have changed in that year and how much I've changed too, while praising God for how far we've both come!

But that first birthday for your first child feels like such an incredible milestone with cause for great celebration as it's truly a celebration of that first year of navigating the unknown, of walking an unchartered path, of survival.

I can honestly say that first year of learning how to raise up a little one is really hard. I mean you've never done this before, and no amount of babysitting can fully prep you for what is to come. You may be a little better prepared to soothe a crying baby or more skilled at diaper changes, but the around the clock care is a whole new arena.

And as your kids age, you enter into more unknowns, and more unchartered territory. And each year you enter into a new set of milestones and challenges, but you also begin to enter into this realm of motherhood that you can fully own.

And with each passing day and each passing year, you realize...THIS is the type of mother I am, not the type of mother I will be, but the one I am, and you make no excuses. That doesn't mean you don't mess up or make mistakes or apologize, but I think it does mean you become more confident in who you are as a mother. And with that confidence you can fully lean into your mothering ability.

And that leaning is, is so freeing and so incredibly beautiful.

And by the grace of God, you begin to own who you are and own who your kids are, all while recognizing that God has chosen you for each other. He chose Peter and I to raise up Jack and Ryan, these unique beings He knit together in my womb. 

And it is such an incredible privilege. That doesn't mean that that first year or ever year thereafter isn't exhausting or filled with refinement, but it does mean each day is such a gift. May we never forget that.

And may we all look back on that first year and glimpse the goodness in the chaos, in the unknown. Because when you're out of it, when your kid is no longer breastfeeding and sleeping better at night, when they are walking and talking and feeding themselves, you realize that first year was such a blur as you merely sought to survive!

And then you just might think, maybe it's time to do it all over again or maybe you don't even get to that first year before you have that thought!!