And I managed to sputter out...well today the boys started at a new school, and we're all adjusting to Peter's new job as we create a new rhythm and new routines. And it feels hard.
And I finished by firmly stating...and I'm realizing I have a hard time with change.
And the funny thing is, this isn't a new revelation.
Change is hard for me, this I know.
It always leaves me a bit undone for a short while.
And it reminds me just how fragile I can be, just how much I crave routine, or some form of it at least.
And I'm reminded that this is just how I am.
I truly have to grieve the previous season before I can enter into a new one (read here).
And you could say this past month (and even this last week) has been full of grieving and mourning what was, in order to fully embrace what is.
You guys, I'm so incredibly grateful to the Lord for Peter's new job. I find myself in awe at how He provided in His timing, and I'm holding fast to that. But it doesn't mean I haven't felt a bit off lately...that I haven't missed my husband or that my boys haven't missed their dad. I mean Peter's never worked 5 days a week in an office our entire marriage, and it will be 8 years in August, so it feels like a big change for Peter to be honest, as he tries to find time for everything and everyone that's important to him.
But God has been gracious, and the kids are enjoying their new school I think, even if they cry at drop off and wrap every limb they possibly can around my body, resulting in their teachers peeling them off my body so that I can exit, and even if Ryan runs out of his classroom whenever I put him down, while declaring no mama, no.
But I think it will get easier with time. It has to right? I mean they've only gone 3 days.
Truly though, I think they do enjoy it. Ryan's exhausted by the end of it, as he hasn't quite figured out that he's suppose to not only lay down, but nap in that bright room during nap time. And there are so many new systems and scheduled routines for him to follow that he's not use to. He seems so little in that class, sitting at his table or wandering around the classroom, or looking at his little buddies to see what he's suppose to be doing. Yet, I'm reminded that Jack started at his first school when he was just 17 months old. And Jack's already learned a few new things, like how to put a fitted sheet on his cot! They have video cameras at their new school, so I can login and spy on them, and it's so fun to watch him chatting with his buddies, sitting in the circle, getting his cot ready for rest time, and putting things away, while also looking around the room to figure out what he's supposed to be doing when.
But I'd be lying if I said they weren't really, really excited to see me at pick up and really, really ready to go as soon as I get there.
And I should also mention that Peter's enjoying his job! But like I said, change is hard, learning new things and new systems and a new work culture is hard. And trying to figure out his new daily rhythms and how he fits in time at the gym, time for the boys, time for me, time with friends and time to study, all while working his full time job and one night at the pizza shop! Bless him. Pray for him and for me as I support him in this transition.
And even though Peter's been in his job for over a month, and the boys have been in school for a little over a week now, I still feel like we're transitioning and I'm sure I'll feel that way for at least another month.
Nothing feels sorted or settled yet, but I'm okay living in that space because I know change is hard. And it takes awhile to adjust and find a new rhythm, and I know that with time, we'll settle in to our new rhythm and new routines. And it will be good, it already is good. But it will be easier, and by the grace of God with each passing day it feels easier.
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