Vulnerability

Vulnerable.

How do you define that word? Do you view vulnerability in a positive light or in a negative light?

Friends, I looked up the definition of vulnerable, and one of the definitions was "capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt," and this in and of itself can be seen in a negative light. Right? I mean none of us want to be wounded or hurt, so why would we want to be vulnerable? Why would this be an adjective we'd even hope to aspire to? 

Because with vulnerability comes truth.

And when you begin to live in a state of vulnerability, you bet you open yourself up to being wounded and hurt, but you also open yourself up to this beautiful ability to live in the truth, to stop pretending, and to be true to yourself and to those around you. 

And that is powerful.

And I've found that when you have the courage to be vulnerable, you give others the permission to do the same.

Connection is powerful, and in order to fully connect with people we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. We have to have the courage be real, true and vulnerable. And that is terrifying. Allowing others to fully see you for you who are...allowing others to walk through the darkest parts of your life...allowing others to share in your joys and your struggles is terrifying. But the connection that comes through vulnerability and authenticity is so powerful and real and worth it.

I ran across this TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown via a Facebook post.

First off, I love Brene Brown, and enjoyed her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the way we Live, Love, Parent and Lead. And second there's something about this word vulnerable that I just love. This word carries so much power and strength.

When talking about the commonalities between people willing to be vulnerable she says...

"These (vulnerable/connected) folks had the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others because as it turns out we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And lastly, they had connection, and this was the hard part, as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were. And you have to absolutely do that for connection.

The other thing they had in common was this - they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they talk about it being excruciating...they just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say I love you first. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees...they thought this was fundamental."

 

Do you have people in your life who have the courage to be imperfect?  Who live in a state of vulnerability? And when you think about those people that you would describe as vulnerable, truth tellers - aren't they just some of the most beautiful people because of their courage to be imperfect?
And doesn't that courage inspire you to be courageous?

And I will now get off my soapbox and finish with this. Blessed are those who know their own brokenness and acknowledge they are in need of a Savior. I pray we all have the courage to be imperfect....the courage to share ourselves with others...the courage to be vulnerable. Be true to who you are and who God created you to be and lean into that.

And believe me when I say you will be blessed. 

It's time to tell the Truth about Motherhood.

A friend posted a link to this article on her Facebook page awhile ago, and I read it of course. But little did I know my husband would be reading it too.  He came home that night wanting to talk about it over dinner.

And before I dive into our conversation, I want to encourage you to read the article in its entirety, but I will at least give you a little glimpse of some of my favorite words.

"The thing is, moms are tired.  They're also confused a lot of the time.  And they feel lost, like the days before GPS when we used to print out directions from Map Quest - like actually print them out on paper - and then just as you were glancing down at the paper the exit flew by you.  That kind of lost....

And moms, they wake up after having spent a night being woken up and they walk out into all that loudness and confused lost chaos.  They do it with eyes still squinting at the light, scrabbling for contact lenses or glasses and a cup of hot tea with plenty of sugar.  There were days they used to sleep in.  They can't remember those days anymore.  Their bodies are programmed to wake up at o'toddler dark thirty even when they're on vacation."

(Now isn't that the truth...I keep thinking, aren't we on vacation? (wrote this in Ireland) Shouldn't we be able to sleep as long as we want...the answer is no.  Gone are the days when I can wake up when I want to.)

And she continues...

"I want so badly for someone to tell her the truth about the exhaustion and how hard nursing can be and that everyone who looks so put together at church - there are none of us immune from the meltdowns and feelings of inadequacy.  I want so badly for someone to take her aside and ask how she's really doing.  For someone, anyone, to mentor her and admit their own hard days.  To be willing to go first.  To tell her how frustrated they were at the thought of even beginning the tedious process of trying to leave the house.  I want someone to ruthlessly admit to her that they don't have it all together.  That's where you come in."

And the truth is...I want to be that mom.  That mom that is honest and real.  That mom that admits how hard it truly is.  That mom that admits that sometimes she doesn't want to be pawed at, that sometimes she doesn't want to be needed by this little being, that sometimes she just wants to wake up when she wants to wake up.

I want to be a mom that encourages other moms, that invites real conversations and real support and encouragement.

And this is what I told the husband that night.

But first he asked the question..."Would you say that the transition to motherhood has been really hard on you?"

And this was my response..."You read that article on Natalie's wall didn't you?"

His reply, "Yeah, and while reading it I just kept thinking...Malia isn't struggling with any of this."

And I said, "Well, this is our reality now, no point getting down on myself...but yeah it's hard.  The sheer exhaustion, trying to balance it all, feeling as though I'm not satisfying anyone or doing anything well - that's hard."

The husband, "No one talks about the dads...how hard it is on the dads.  They are looking after the mom and the baby.  And that's hard."

I love that man and his response got me thinking.  He's right - no one talks about the dads, the conversations are always centered around the moms.  It's time to tell the truth about fatherhood, how hard it is on them.  Then again, maybe Peter's situation is unique. I ask alot of that man.  He isn't exempt from anything, well maybe the night time wakings (yes, Jack still wakes up at night) considering he doesn't have the tools to soothe him.

Anyhow, just something to consider, and maybe if Peter's willing, I'll ask him to share a little more on the blog.

So much love,

Malia