Vulnerability

Vulnerable.

How do you define that word? Do you view vulnerability in a positive light or in a negative light?

Friends, I looked up the definition of vulnerable, and one of the definitions was "capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt," and this in and of itself can be seen in a negative light. Right? I mean none of us want to be wounded or hurt, so why would we want to be vulnerable? Why would this be an adjective we'd even hope to aspire to? 

Because with vulnerability comes truth.

And when you begin to live in a state of vulnerability, you bet you open yourself up to being wounded and hurt, but you also open yourself up to this beautiful ability to live in the truth, to stop pretending, and to be true to yourself and to those around you. 

And that is powerful.

And I've found that when you have the courage to be vulnerable, you give others the permission to do the same.

Connection is powerful, and in order to fully connect with people we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. We have to have the courage be real, true and vulnerable. And that is terrifying. Allowing others to fully see you for you who are...allowing others to walk through the darkest parts of your life...allowing others to share in your joys and your struggles is terrifying. But the connection that comes through vulnerability and authenticity is so powerful and real and worth it.

I ran across this TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown via a Facebook post.

First off, I love Brene Brown, and enjoyed her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the way we Live, Love, Parent and Lead. And second there's something about this word vulnerable that I just love. This word carries so much power and strength.

When talking about the commonalities between people willing to be vulnerable she says...

"These (vulnerable/connected) folks had the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others because as it turns out we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And lastly, they had connection, and this was the hard part, as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were. And you have to absolutely do that for connection.

The other thing they had in common was this - they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they talk about it being excruciating...they just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say I love you first. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees...they thought this was fundamental."

 

Do you have people in your life who have the courage to be imperfect?  Who live in a state of vulnerability? And when you think about those people that you would describe as vulnerable, truth tellers - aren't they just some of the most beautiful people because of their courage to be imperfect?
And doesn't that courage inspire you to be courageous?

And I will now get off my soapbox and finish with this. Blessed are those who know their own brokenness and acknowledge they are in need of a Savior. I pray we all have the courage to be imperfect....the courage to share ourselves with others...the courage to be vulnerable. Be true to who you are and who God created you to be and lean into that.

And believe me when I say you will be blessed. 

It's time to tell the Truth about Motherhood.

A friend posted a link to this article on her Facebook page awhile ago, and I read it of course. But little did I know my husband would be reading it too.  He came home that night wanting to talk about it over dinner.

And before I dive into our conversation, I want to encourage you to read the article in its entirety, but I will at least give you a little glimpse of some of my favorite words.

"The thing is, moms are tired.  They're also confused a lot of the time.  And they feel lost, like the days before GPS when we used to print out directions from Map Quest - like actually print them out on paper - and then just as you were glancing down at the paper the exit flew by you.  That kind of lost....

And moms, they wake up after having spent a night being woken up and they walk out into all that loudness and confused lost chaos.  They do it with eyes still squinting at the light, scrabbling for contact lenses or glasses and a cup of hot tea with plenty of sugar.  There were days they used to sleep in.  They can't remember those days anymore.  Their bodies are programmed to wake up at o'toddler dark thirty even when they're on vacation."

(Now isn't that the truth...I keep thinking, aren't we on vacation? (wrote this in Ireland) Shouldn't we be able to sleep as long as we want...the answer is no.  Gone are the days when I can wake up when I want to.)

And she continues...

"I want so badly for someone to tell her the truth about the exhaustion and how hard nursing can be and that everyone who looks so put together at church - there are none of us immune from the meltdowns and feelings of inadequacy.  I want so badly for someone to take her aside and ask how she's really doing.  For someone, anyone, to mentor her and admit their own hard days.  To be willing to go first.  To tell her how frustrated they were at the thought of even beginning the tedious process of trying to leave the house.  I want someone to ruthlessly admit to her that they don't have it all together.  That's where you come in."

And the truth is...I want to be that mom.  That mom that is honest and real.  That mom that admits how hard it truly is.  That mom that admits that sometimes she doesn't want to be pawed at, that sometimes she doesn't want to be needed by this little being, that sometimes she just wants to wake up when she wants to wake up.

I want to be a mom that encourages other moms, that invites real conversations and real support and encouragement.

And this is what I told the husband that night.

But first he asked the question..."Would you say that the transition to motherhood has been really hard on you?"

And this was my response..."You read that article on Natalie's wall didn't you?"

His reply, "Yeah, and while reading it I just kept thinking...Malia isn't struggling with any of this."

And I said, "Well, this is our reality now, no point getting down on myself...but yeah it's hard.  The sheer exhaustion, trying to balance it all, feeling as though I'm not satisfying anyone or doing anything well - that's hard."

The husband, "No one talks about the dads...how hard it is on the dads.  They are looking after the mom and the baby.  And that's hard."

I love that man and his response got me thinking.  He's right - no one talks about the dads, the conversations are always centered around the moms.  It's time to tell the truth about fatherhood, how hard it is on them.  Then again, maybe Peter's situation is unique. I ask alot of that man.  He isn't exempt from anything, well maybe the night time wakings (yes, Jack still wakes up at night) considering he doesn't have the tools to soothe him.

Anyhow, just something to consider, and maybe if Peter's willing, I'll ask him to share a little more on the blog.

So much love,

Malia

Truth.

1. via

   truth (according to google)

   tro͞oTH/

   noun

   noun: truth

   1. 1.

      the quality or state of being true.

      • that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.
      • a fact or belief that is accepted as true.

        
        

What does the word "Truth" mean to you?  How would you define it?  

Truth.  To me this word represents vulnerability, transparency, a realness that is so rare in this world.

Truth.  To me this word represents freedom, as I believe there is so much freedom in the truth.

Truth.  There is so much beauty and transformation found in those moments when one is being true, vulnerable, real, and raw.

And maybe that's why I think the word 'Truth' is simply beautiful.  This word carries so much weight in my life.  There have been many moments of truth in my own life...

It is so much easier for me to live into the person that I believe I am than try to be someone that I am not.  It is so much easier for me to live into the truth than it is to live into a lie.

It is so so much easier for me to live a life of honesty and vulnerability than it is for me to live a life of lies.

It is so much easier for me to speak truth than it is for me to speak lies.

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” 

― James E. Faust

So when a dear friend sent me a card in the mail stating that she thinks of me as her "truth friend," I was truly moved to tears.  

And in the card she went on to say...

"I think of you as my 'truth friend'!  There is an honesty about you which is quite powerful.  You say what you think and mean what you say.  I can always count on your honesty to hold me accountable, be my support, and give me tough questions to expand, test and better my own 'self.'  And you do it without apologies or batting an eye! You wear your heart on your sleeve and allow us to see the beauty of living with such truth.  And I love seeing you seek truth through your questions, your life experiences, and your relationship with love, earth, people and the Creator."

I couldn't have described myself nearly as well as she did even if I tried.  There was so much truth in her words and her depiction of who I am was so powerful for me.

The Truth is so important to me and speaking the truth in love is something I truly strive for.  And I don't think this was something I had ever spoken nor was it something I had ever put to paper.  And here she was putting my hearts desires on paper without me having even uttered a word.

I believe Christ has called me to live in this state of truth, in this state of transparency.  And my hope and prayer is that by God's grace, my ability to live within this state of honesty and transparency simply cultivates this state of living within others.

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It is hard...this I know, and living in this state of vulnerability is scary, but let me tell you, it is so rewarding and there truly is so much freedom in it!

And you may start off taking little baby steps and that's okay, you have to start somewhere right?  Baby steps will eventually take you somewhere.  Now think...who in your life are you not being honest with? Is there a relationship that needs mending?  Someone that you need to forgive or something you need to be forgiven for?  Is there someone in your life that you have been lying to? a co-worker, a friend, a sibling, a spouse, yourself, God?

I urge you to start somewhere...and I promise that over time living in this state of honesty becomes easier and you will see that the truth truly does set you free.

What have you really got to lose?  I dare you to give it a try...

(I started this post weeks ago, and then just last Sunday, our pastor preached on this very topic - so I may be adding more to these thoughts in the coming weeks, months, years?  who knows how long it will take me to post something on that!)