May 11, 2014

I praise Him Always.



What a special day this is for me now that I have a little man in my life. Thank you Jack for making me a mom and thank you Jesus for allowing me the privilege of being his mom.

It was fun to read my thoughts from my first mother's day a year ago. I had been a mother four months and I was grappling with accepting my new title of "mom." I can honestly say now, 16 months in, the acceptance of that title comes a whole lot easier now. Maybe I feel as though I have weathered some of the storms and I have paid the price and I have earned that title.

Or maybe it's because I can't imagine my life without Jack in it, which brings me to the real reason behind this post. Before I went to church this morning I read this (To the Women who Dread Mother's Day) and the first two sentences said this, "With Mother's Day just around the corner, I can't help but think about all those who are dreading its approach. My heart aches for those who want to be mothers, but for whatever reason cannot."

And so it was only natural that my heart and mind gravitated toward those in my life who may dread this day...and while I was singing praises to God my mind kept drifting to the many times (wish it wasn't that many, but let's be real here) I have begrudged my precious son for waking up before the sun was up (this morning in fact), or for putting his hands in his poop and playing with the mess on his fingers while I was changing his diaper (hmm...that was this morning also).  Anyhow, the point is ...there have been so many times where the little man has driven me to the brink of craziness...where I have wanted to pull my hair out and shed some tears (and yes, I have done this a time or two, let's be honest).

But the reality is..I have never once thought, why did we do this? or I wish I wasn't his mom.  Those thoughts and words have never crossed my mind or my mouth. Now, I have definitely questioned my capacity and capability and this little person definitely tests my patience, especially lately with his little tantrums when I take something from him, but I have never questioned his existence.

Rather, I have praised God for him. And I praise God for granting me the privilege of being this little person's mom. It is such a privilege. I praise God for giving Peter and I the honor of raising him. I praise God for His creation and for allowing me the privilege of carrying His child in my womb. I praise God for morning sickness and NICU's and sleepless nights. I praise God for poopy diapers and endless laundry and even the tantrums, especially the tantrums. I praise God for giving me 1.5 years with this delightful little person. I praise God during the good times and the bad, especially the bad. I praise Him, always.


My dear friend Charissa posted the above image on instagram today, along with these beautiful words, and I had to steal them from her. She wrote, "Beautiful rendition of this hauntingly glorious hymn sung at church today. Made my heart so aware of how painful Mother's Day can be for so many women. May they learn to belt these words from the soul depths of their loss, loneliness, unfilled dreams, strained relationships, and empty longings. May all our hearts learn to be well and know God's story is greater than ours. "

Here is the song she is referring to, but I can't imagine this is the beautiful rendition - It is Well with My Soul.

And I echo Charissa's words. I pray for all the women out there whose heart's ache on this day...who long to hold their babies in their arms. For those who are struggling with infertility, for those who have had miscarriages, for those who have had abortions, for those who have put their child up for adoption, for those who have lost children far too young...I sit with you in that grief.

May you find peace and comfort in the Lord and may you never forget that His story is so much greater than ours! And may you praise Him Always!

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