It's almost been a year.

As I looked at the blog this morning, I realized it's been a month since my last post, and I have yet to post anything about Jack turning 9 months or 10 months, and now he's on his way to 11 months. 

Maybe because this little man keeps me super busy or maybe it's because I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's almost a year old

It's almost been a year.

It's almost been a year since we were told we couldn't go to Ireland for Christmas. 

It's almost been a year since I was hospitalized.

It's almost been a year since Jack's birth.

It's almost been a year since Jack was 4 lbs. 2 ounces and 16.5 inches long.

It's almost been a year since he slept in an incubator.

It's almost been a year since he could fit into preemie clothes.

And so when I watched this beautiful video made by Benjamin Scot, a photograher and filmmaker, about his son's first year of life, I was emotional to say the least.  Their little man weighed in at 1.5 lbs and he was 15 weeks early - and this video captures the beautiful journey through this preemie's first year of life.



While watching this video, all those emotions came flooding back to me.  I remember the emotions of holding him for the first time, and the emotions that came with leaving him at the hospital and driving home every night for 3 weeks without a baby.  And I remember writing about it all here and writing about him coming home here.  And it all seems so surreal now. 

As I watched this video, I just kept thinking...it could have been so much worse.  Jack was just 6 weeks early, and he weighed a little over 4 lbs at birth, and he didn't need oxygen or anything, just a feeding tube, and I was able to hold him that night.  He didn't need surgeries or anything and he was only at the hospital for 20 days.

What a privilege and honor it was to watch this video - to be allowed a glimpse into those first 107 days of Ward's life, and what a privilege and honor it has been to witness the transformation in real life, firsthand with Jack!  It truly is incredible!  God is so good, and these kids are just resilient.  May we never forget just how far they have come.

so much love,

Malia

Little Buddy: One Month!

Little Buddy was one month old on February 6th, and yes, I know the date has passed, but better late than never right? And I suppose I need to start referring to him by his actual age rather than his gestational age.  

So like I said, Little Buddy has surpassed the one month mark, and it is crazy to think this little guy has been in our lives for a month now.  It is even crazier to think that he was pulled out of my tummy a month ago, and that my own hospital adventures were soon to come to a close, while little buddy's were just beginning.  It is crazy to think that he spent the first three weeks of his life in the hospital, living in a little incubator, rather than living in our home.

This past month has been filled with hospital stays and visits, lots of cuddles and kisses, and so many small accomplishments by both child and parents.  This past month has been filled with so many tears, so many frustrations, and so many moments of joy!  And yes, leaving our baby at the hospital each night for 3 weeks was really hard, but like I keep saying - we learned so much during that time.  And we were so empowered and equipped by every staff member we came into contact with.

And I think that experience truly did prepare us for bringing LB home.  We don't worry about him as much as we might have if he was your typical newborn.  We know he breathes fine after watching his breathing patterns on the monitor for 3 weeks.  We know the grunts and the red face are normal considering he was doing that for weeks in the hospital and no one panicked there.  We know that if you don't point his little penis down he will pee all over himself and you will need to change his little outfits ALL the time.  We know how to feed him and how much to feed him, and we know that this little guy LOVES to eat.  We know that he truly only cries when he needs fed and/or his diaper changed - simple process of elimination.  But sometimes even when you have changed his diaper and you have fed him, he still cries...that one really gets us!  And we also know he's not a huge fan of having his diaper changed - he will wail and wail and wail until you change his diaper and button his clothes back up.

Child is adjusting well to his new home, and parents are adjusting to said child in their home.  Peter and I now get very little sleep, and truly that's the ONE thing we could complain about, otherwise, I think our baby is pretty good.  I love the songs Peter sings to Jack and the joy Peter finds in being a father to our little guy.  He is so protective of him already.  And I love being a mom.  It's a role I have embraced wholeheartedly, whatever that really means, and I think these next few months at home with him are truly going to fly by and it makes me sad.

Jack, we love you so much and we are so thankful that God has given us the privilege of raising you and being your parents.  We can't wait to tell you about your birth story and God's faithfulness and presence in all of it!

And in the end, amidst all the trials and tribulations, I know we will look back on this month and this experience with a deep fondness and a deep sense of peace.

And I will leave you with one last photo...

Much love,

Malia, Peter and LB

Little Buddy: 38 weeks!

I can't even believe Little Buddy has been out of the womb for 4 weeks now.  I have said it before and I will say it again...WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE??  It all seems like a blur and I feel like I'm in a time warp.  How does that happen?  I somewhat feel like I'm just existing and each day has new challenges and new accomplishments and I feel pretty pleased with myself when I get the dishes done and do laundry and put the clothes away, while also getting myself something to eat or taking a shower.  My days look very different these days, but it's a welcomed difference, and it is one that has forced me to truly slow down.

Little Buddy is officially 38 weeks today!  And if I'm honest, I miss being pregnant.  Don't get me wrong - I love our little guy and I'm so glad he's here and healthy, but sometimes I do feel slightly cheated.  I mean he was born 6 weeks before his due date, and part of me feels as though I missed out on those 6 weeks of pregnancy.  I have never been 35 weeks pregnant or 36 weeks pregnant or 37 weeks pregnant, etc - I'm sure you get the point!  And I will never know what it's like to be that far along and that pregnant until we have another baby and even then, the baby may come early once again.  We truly don't know.

I went to a baby shower this past weekend and I found myself wishing I was still pregnant.  Wishing Little Buddy was still inside of me, wishing my belly was swollen to the max, wishing for stretch marks (yes, I just wrote that), wishing for little kicks and nudges and hiccups, wishing for a vaginal birth.  And I know he's here - so there's no point in wishing really, but a girl can still wish right?  I find myself slightly envious of those women who carry full term, who get to experience the final stages of pregnancy.

But if I'm honest, that envy and those wishes are short lived and they disappear as soon as I hold our little guy in my arms.  And the reality is, some pregnant women probably wish they were in my shoes - hard to believe, but I'm sure SOMEONE out there wishes their baby was here already, wishes they weren't pregnant anymore and they didn't have to go to the bathroom all the time or they wish they could have that glass of wine or that nice cold beer they have been dreaming of ever since the stick declared they were pregnant.

So let's see - Little Buddy is probably nearing 6 lbs and he may have grown in length.  He seems longer than 19.5 inches, but who really knows.  I suppose we could pull out our tape measure!  They say that his head should now be the same circumference as his abdomen, and it just might be.  He has a fairly tight grip and he can now tear his pacifier out of his mouth or suck on it so hard that it doesn't even fall out.  We are so proud of him and all of his little accomplishments.  He sleeps a fair bit during the day, which is wonderful, but Peter and I are still trying to figure our his nighttime habits as he is all over the board, which then means our nighttime habits are all over the board.

But when all is said and done, we are so very blessed, while also extremely sleep deprived!!  People say this sleep deprivation won't last forever, and he will eventually get to a point where he will sleep through the night, and don't get me wrong I DO believe them, but it's hard to believe it's actually possible when we are fully IN it, but I definitely look forward to that day!  Until then...we love you Jack, every single part of you - your poopy diapers, your pee stained clothes, your little cry, and even those late night wake up calls.

Much Love,

Malia, Peter and Little Buddy