Birthday Eve - Letter to Jack

Hi Sweet Boy,

It's your mama here! I've been so nostalgic and reminiscent all week, leading up to your birthday tomorrow. And I just wanted to take the time to write to you on the eve of your 4th birthday.

Four years ago on this day I had been in the hospital for six days, we were awaiting answers, and ultimately awaiting your birth. We had no idea what awaited us.

We had planned to go to Ireland that Christmas, tickets were booked, and the day before we were scheduled to fly out the Dr. told us to cancel our flights as he was concerned for your growth. So we followed the Drs. orders, but rather reluctantly. The reality was, I was absolutely devastated, couldn't believe this was happening. And when I was reading this Drennan Family Update post I could just remember all the emotions. I could remember the tears streaming down my face. I could remember the ugly crying, the body shaking, uncontrollable sobbing that took over my body in that car ride home from the hospital. I can remember just how unjust and unfair it all felt. And even now, four years later, the tears stream down my face as I remember that woman. We had no idea what awaited us.

Then fast forward a few weeks, and I show up for a Drs appointment on New Years only to have them admit me. My blood pressure was high and they wanted to change my medication, so they put me in a wheelchair and sent me upstairs. Happy New Years to us right? I was hoping they'd eventually send me home. But alas, they didn't. We had no idea what awaited us.

And like I said, this day four years ago, I'd been in the hospital six days, six days longer than I'd ever envisioned I'd be. No one anticipates being in the hospital that long BEFORE their baby arrives. I never envisioned I'd become so familiar with the anti-partum unit nor did I imagine just what it would mean to deliver at UW, let's just say lots of monitoring and assessing and lots of intervention. But good Lord do they have the most beautiful NICU with the most incredible staff! And little did I know just how soon we'd be needing that NICU and that staff as we had no idea what awaited us.

The reality is, we truly had no idea what awaited us. We had no idea your birthday would be tomorrow, as so many things were uncertain. And I can't believe it's been four years since all of this went down. In some ways it feels fresh and in others it feels like such a distant memory. And as I think back on all of this, on all that we went through leading up to your arrival, I just think, what an incredible story already, and you weren't even out of the womb yet, the best had yet to come. What an incredible story of faith and resilience, of trusting in the Lord and in His goodness, of letting go and letting God. I can look at the situation now and say, we had no idea what awaited us, but God did and His hand was always in it, teaching us lesson after beautiful lesson. And I'm so thankful this is part of your story!

I love you so much and I can't wait to celebrate you tomorrow!!

Love,

Mama