Motherhood Ramblings

I love that Mother's Day was a week ago, and I'm finally getting around to writing my Mother's day post! 

This is real life and this is motherhood.

Other things come up and fill the space you may have used for writing, like sick kids, evening outings, or a child who refuses to nap, primarily because you've been so terrible at honoring his nap time on other days. Let it be known said child is napping as I type, and I'm able to just sit and breathe.

Can we just say that that time to just sit and breathe, while drinking the cup of coffee I poured for myself this morning, is such a beautiful time for me to reflect and rest and sit in the presence of the Lord.

This was the first Mother's Day without my grandma, and my mother's first day without her mama. 

And I can't help but think back to Mother's Day last year and the words my grandma spoke over Peter and I as she was walking out the door of our home, "You two are the ones we really should be celebrating today, you especially Malia. You're in the thick of it. You're living it daily. All of it. And you're both working full time. And you're doing a great job."

Cue the tears streaming down my face. 

Those words were powerful and they went straight to my weary soul.

And today, they leave me thinking about the cycle of life and the cycle of motherhood, and the growth that comes with all of it.

The thing is, we are gifted these children to care for and given the title of mother, and then by the grace of God those children grow up and have children, and we are given the title of grandmother (or whatever you want to be called), and maybe those children will grow up and we are given the title of great grandmother, but never do we lose the title of mother. 

That title and that role are threaded throughout our entire life cycle.

And that's wild for me to think about. 

Hi, I'm Malia, and I'm a mother, and I will always be a mother. 

This title and role will never leave me, it will always be a part of me.

And this role has shaped me tremendously in the last six years. 

It has forced me to slow down and allowed me to see that I just can't do it all. 

It has forced me to look inward, to reflect on who I am as a being and who I desire to be as a mom. 

It has forced me to look outward, to truly see those mamas that surround me in all venues through the most tender lens.  

And to those mamas, I see you.

I see your joy.

I see your child throwing that tantrum.

I see your tired soul.

I see your bag of tricks and your bag of snacks.

I see the deep, deep love you have for your children. 

I see your heavy hearts.

I see your wins.

I see your defeats.

I see your vulnerability. 

I see your desire to do your absolute best.

I see your desire for connection with your child, with your partner, with your friends. 

I see your desire to be fully known.

I see your growth. 

I see you and I get you because I am one of you.

And carrying this title and role of mother alongside you is such an incredible honor. 

This role has also forced me to look beside me, to my beloved partner. 

You guys, I truly can't fully express just how deep my love and appreciation runs for my husband. It has been so beautiful to see the way his father role has transformed him as a being and as a partner. And he's just a better everything, growing into a better version of himself as he peels back the layers of the onion and reveals his truest self. It's such an honor to witness.

And this mother role has forced me to look up, time and time again, to our Heavenly Father.

The depth of love I have for my children, simply reminds me of the depth of love the Father has for us. It is beautiful and so humbling and so freeing. I've spent so much time this past year, more than any other year, looking up and thanking God for where He has me. 

Thanking Him for the way He has used motherhood to sanctify me, for the way He has used the other mothers to remind me that I'm not alone and that I need to extend grace to myself, for the way He has used my partner and my children to speak truth to me, to humble me, to constantly bring me to my knees and to the feet of the Lord.

Motherhood is messy, and it can feel chaotic and really hard. Yet, in all the mess, the chaos, the tears, the trials, the laughter, the mistakes made, the lessons learned, the joy, there is so much growth. 

And I love that growth.

The growth of my being as a result of being a mother is one of my favorite parts of motherhood. 

May I never stop looking inward at myself and reflecting on who I am and who God desires for me to be, looking outward with eyes to see the hearts of those around me, looking beside me at the most handsome man, and looking up with hope to the One who is faithful! 

And may the growth never ever cease. 

(You can read my other Mother's Day posts here, here, here and here. I love rereading them as the years go by!)