Anniversary: Here's to Ten years!

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Our anniversary was two months ago, and I sit here in awe that we've been married for TEN years! 

When I think back to our wedding day ten years ago, we never ever would have envisioned just what would be in store for us, for our marriage, for our family. Who knew we'd walk through all that we've walked through. I know we sure didn't envision all the trials we'd have.

But God did. 

We knew we wanted children, but we never knew what that life would actually look like, how full and loud life could be, nor did we envision that we'd have three boys. 

But God did. 

He knew we'd be well matched for each other - He knew my energy would see us through, and your consistent and solid nature would sustain us.

He knew I'd never sit down, and I'd need you to call me to the couch.

And as I sit here, with all our children at my feet, I'm just so filled with gratitude for you. 

My friend, my lover, my partner, my supporter, my comedian. 

In all honesty, I feel like this past year has been a year of trying to hear each other amidst the chaos and the noise, a year of connecting, of sharing dreams and our vulnerable hearts, of declaring needs and desires as we delve even deeper into who we are and who God has created us to be, and as we further chip away at the things that draw us apart as we desire to draw near to each other. 

And it's been really humbling for me to look back over the trajectory of our relationship and our marriage and remember our early days. And if I'm honest, I feel like I spent the first few years of our relationship and maybe the first years of our marriage trying to make you into someone you weren't. And I've spent the last 8 years trying to undo all the damage I've done as I lean into who you fully are, as I see and pay witness to the unique gifts and abilities God has given you. And as I acknowledge and affirm the man God has created you

to be, while leaning into the woman God has created me to be and reminding myself that we are different and there is so much good in those differences. 

And when I think back over this last year, I think this idea around difference is what resonates most with me. We have spent alot of time talking about who we are, about our differences, about our weaknesses and our strengths, about our individual needs, about our energy levels, about how we get filled up. And I feel like this is the first year, where we've really put words to those differences and delighted in them (thank you enneagram - I'm an 8, Peter's a 5). 

And I'm so grateful.

This morning, you kissed me goodbye and I snuggled deeper under the covers with a child at my side. And your kiss lingered on my lips, and I just thought, I'm so grateful for this man, for his spirit, for his joy, for his truth. 

I had no idea what God was doing all those years ago, sending me to Ireland on a mission trip, but He did. And even after I met you and before we properly started dating, I knew I'd marry you. I had no idea how God was going to work it all out, but He knew, and I may have thought the idea of a cross cultural marriage a little crazy and far fetched, but He didn't. 

He knew exactly what He was doing bringing us together. 

And there's something so incredibly satisfying and freeing as I trust and lean into God's story. He knows His will for our lives, and I trust that will. 

May we never lose sight of the one who has called us to each other.

And may we never lose sight of God's purpose within us, as our marriage is our greatest ministry.

I love you,

Malia

Anniversary: Here's to Nine years!

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Our anniversary has come and gone, but this year marks nine years married to this man. How was our wedding day 9 years ago? I look back at the photos and think, look at us, we had no idea just what was ahead. We had experienced heart ache, but nothing like what these last 9 years have brought us!

So in true anniversary fashion, I wanted to take some time to sit and reflect on this past year of marriage, just like I've done for all the years that have come before this one. So that is what I found myself doing on Monday, nearly a week after the actual anniversary (try a month as that's when I actually finished this!! and two months as that's when I actually posted it.). This is three kids guys. I feel like I hardly have time for anything, let alone time to write. So here I am sitting on the couch, pumping, with my computer resting on the ottoman, while Conor naps and Jack and Ryan are drawing and dancing around the house and music is playing on the TV.

Let's just say Peter went to bed around 10:45 last night after he fed Conor and woke up at 3:30 to feed him again, only to sleep for 30 more minutes before his alarm woke him up at 4:32 AM. This man serves and says yes like nobody's business. I'm so in awe of him, truly. You should see me in the wee hours of the morning before the sun has come up, it's not pretty, and I'm anxious to get back to sleep as I'm most definitely not ready to start the day.

Anyhow, last year, we started off our anniversary with a visit to the Dr. to have a D&C. I remember telling the Dr. and everyone there it was our anniversary, an anniversary we will most certainly never forget. I remember the tears I shed as they apologized time and time again for our loss, and the tears that came as I laid on that table and the procedure was completed. And Peter sat there holding my hand, carrying my grief for me.

And in the days following our anniversary we shipped off the kids and packed up the car and hit the open road. What a whirlwind of a trip that was. It was a hard time for us emotionally as we were just so broken, literally, your body from your fall just weeks before and my body from the miscarriage.

And yet, here I sit just thinking about how God has healed us this past year. I truly feel like this last year was a year of healing, healing our bodies, healing our hearts, building us up spiritually, emotionally, physically to endure the year ahead.

And last August feels like a lifetime ago, truly. What a year it has been! In one year, you were let go from your job, a job you'd waited 18 months for only to interview and be offered a job within weeks of the one you lost. And that job is so much better than the one you had previously. And in that year, we got pregnant again, and had another baby, our rainbow baby. He arrived far earlier than we would have liked him to, but he's here and he's healthy, and we have learned so much about letting go and letting God.

And isn't that what we want to teach our kids? To let go and let God.

There is so much freedom in the letting go and in trusting God.

I have no idea why we've walked through more in the last 9 years of marriage, last 2 years really, than some people walk through in a lifetime, but what I do know is we are better for it.

Truly, we are.

My love for you runs even deeper than I ever could have dreamed it could, and as hard as I try I'll never be able to fully articulate just how much I love you.

I'll never be able to fully articulate my sincere gratitude to the Lord for His crazy idea of putting the two of us together, an American girl and an Irish guy.

I love our love story and I love our life.

May we never lose sight of the one who called us to each other, may we never lose sight of the fact that there is purpose in all things and that He makes beautiful things out of us.

And Peter, our marriage in all it's messiness and holiness is beautiful and there is purpose in it.

You my husband are beautiful and it's such an honor to walk alongside you, to witness your own soul searching, your own transformation, your own vulnerability and crying out amidst the various seasons of life. I know these past few years have been hard, but I've been so humbled by the way you've just kept on walking, plodding through the obstacles thrown at you as you pick yourself up off the mat time and time again as you trust that He is present and He is faithful. And that what shall come our way will be good because He is good.

I never in my wildest dreams could have envisioned just how good marriage would be. Don't get me wrong it's some of my hardest work, but it's also some of my best work. May we continue to be vulnerable with each other, speaking truth into the hardest places as we sharpen each other while simultaneously smoothing those sharp edges.

And may we never lose sight of God's purpose within us, as our marriage is our greatest ministry.

Anniversary: Here's to Eight years!

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Today marks eight years married to this man. I truly can't even believe we have arrived at 8 years. Dear Jesus where has the time gone? And how have we been married for this long already? 

And in true anniversary fashion, I wanted to take some time to sit and reflect on this past year of marriage, just like I've done for all the years that have come before this one. So that is what I found myself doing on the eve of our anniversary. 

And I laugh because my post from last year talked about how our 7th year of marriage was our hardest one yet, and this one set out to be our best one yet, but we have experienced far more in the last month of marriage than we have experienced in our entire 8 years. Someday, when I have the time and the space to write about it all, I'll share, but today I find myself just reflecting on how good God is and how deep my love runs for my husband.

I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined I'd fall in love with a man from a different country. I never would have envisioned myself entering into a cross cultural marriage. I never would have envisioned I would be living the life that I'm living with the man that I'm living it with.

And if there's one thing I've learned this past year, especially this past month, it's that He is the author of our stories.

And He is writing a story I never would have written for myself.

And in that story there are chapters full of joy, chapters full of trials, chapters full of laughter, chapters full of grief, chapters full of triumph, chapters full of community and friends, chapters full of mountain top experiences and low valley moments, chapters full of growth and transformation, and pages soaked in tears and truth.

And what I've learned time and time again this year is that we really do trust that He is faithful and He is good even when the circumstances change and when something we've hoped for doesn't pan out the way we'd exactly envisioned, like when you get the job you'd been waiting 18 months for, only to realize it's not exactly as you dreamed it would be, or when you summit a mountain that you've talked about climbing for years and end up coming down in a helicopter or when you get a positive pregnancy test, see a heartbeat and walk away with an ultrasound photo, only to be told 2 weeks later baby doesn't have a heartbeat.

And when I think back on this past year of marriage, I almost can't wrap my heart and mind around all the highs and all the lows and all the grief that has covered it all, but one thing I can wrap my heart and mind around is the fact that no other human being knows the state of my heart better than my husband.

This last year, we learned what full surrender really looks like. We thought our 7th year of marriage brought us to our knees, but this year brought us flat on our faces, as we surrendered even more to the Lord and to each other, as we let go of all the things we were still holding on to.

I never would have written this story for myself, of unemployment, of near death experiences, of loss of life through a miscarriage, but in all honesty, it's brought us so much closer as a family and reminded us of the important things in life, the things that really matter and it has brought on a deep seated trust in the Lord and faith in Him and in His goodness and a sincere contentment and peace. 

He brought us together 8 years ago (read this from my aunt and uncle) and He is the one that continues to bring us together to this day. He is the one that brings us to our knees and into each others arms. He is the one that heals our hearts and brings us peace. He is the one that fills us and comforts us. I'm just so thankful that the Lord has used my husband in my life as an instrument and a tool for His spirit and His grace.

And I just praise God for bringing Peter and I together all those years ago, for writing the story of an American girl walking in obedience and signing up for a mission trip, which sent her to Ireland, and an Irish boy walking in obedience and signing up to volunteer at different vacation bible schools in his own country, which is where their paths intersected and intertwined.

We had no idea what awaited us, but He did.

He's always known. And for that I'm so grateful because it is so darn good.

May we continue to walk in obedience even when the going gets tough. May we never forget that He is the one that has called us to each other. He is the one writing our story.

Thank you Jesus for my husband, for the gift of marriage, for anniversaries, for writing our story, and for walking with us through all the seasons of life. May You be glorified by the way we walk it. And may You be honored always in times of joy and in times of grief. 

And may we be filled with anticipation as Your story for us unfolds as we continue to walk in obedience.

And Peter, I love you. Thank you for this life, for your partnership, for challenging me, for loving me, for making me more holy, for holding me, for sitting with me, for the joy and the laughter that fill our home, for wiping my tears and holding my hand, for your vulnerability. May we continue to delight in each other and may we never stop standing in the gap as we celebrate the joys and hold each others burdens. 

Anniversary: Here's to SEVEN years!

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Today marks seven years married to this man. I truly can't even believe we have arrived at 7 years. Dear Jesus where has the time gone? Am I really that old?? Haha!

And in true anniversary fashion, I knew I had to take the time to sit and reflect and write about this past year of marriage, just like I've done for all the years that have come before this one. So that is what I found myself doing on the eve of our anniversary.

There are so many lovely things I want to write, but the truth is, this year has been our hardest yet. And as I perused our wedding photos tonight, I kept coming back to these two photos, as I feel they truly reflect where my heart is. This has been a year filled with so many tears, a year filled with clinging tightly to Christ and to each other. This has been a year of refinement, a year filled with humility and grace, a year filled with grief and so much joy.

And this morning, before church, as I was running and pounding my feet to the pavement, I was able to reflect on this past year of marriage. And all I could think was WOW, what an incredibly hard year we've had. And I found myself pleading with God. Please Lord let the next year be easier. Please, may this season soon come to an end. Please Lord, hear my cries. And as I pounded and pleaded, I was overwhelmed with just how God has moved in us and in our marriage this past year.

As we drove to church this morning, I turned to my husband, whom I truly adore and love so deeply, and just said, wow, our seven year anniversary is tomorrow, and I think this has been our hardest year yet. And we both got teary eyed just sitting there because we both knew how true my words were.

Who knew when we uttered for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health just how much weight those vows would truly carry. Seven years ago, we never would have envisioned we'd walk through the seasons we've walked through.

For better, for worse.

We've seen the beautiful and ugly sides of each other. We've had our moments of joy and our moments of grief. God has used Peter to refine me in a mighty and holy way, and I'd like to think He's used me to do the same to Peter. The path of truth and vulnerability is hard friends, but it's so worth it.

For richer, for poorer. 

And of course we knew we'd experience job changes, but we never envisioned a season of unemployment, let alone this long of a season, let alone another season where we'd be overwhelmed by God's abundant provision. And by the grace of God, we've learned how to do less and spend less, and we've had to say no to things. And it's truly been a beautiful experience and lesson in stewardship. Don't get me wrong, some days I really wish I could justify buying myself a new pair of sandals from Target, but that's just not the season we find ourselves in, and I'm okay with it.

In sickness, and in health.

We knew or rather hoped we'd have children someday, but we never would have envisioned all the hospital stays, including celebrating New Years in the hospital, spending 6 days in the hospital before Jack made his appearance at nearly 34 weeks, 3 weeks in the hospital for Jack, and then our full-term baby landed himself in the NICU at 4 weeks old. And through it all, Peter remained our rock and our constant. He became our fierce, loyal advocate.

Through all of these seasons, we've been reminded time and time again that God has called us to one another. And even though it's been our hardest season, it's also been our biggest season of grace and love and growth. We've learned far more this last year then we ever dreamed of learning about ourselves, our marriage and our God.

We've learned how to speak truth to each other in a deeper and mighty way, and we've gotten so much better at receiving that truth with a deep sense of humility. This has been the year of stripping away, of becoming raw, of speaking truth, of experiencing true humility and vulnerability. This has been a year of crying out, of shedding tears, of experiencing grief...TOGETHER.

I never would have envisioned just how much more I could love my husband, nor how deeply I could trust in God's goodness and faithfulness. And as we fully lean into this season, I have witnessed the depth of our friendship and the depth of our faith. In the last year we've become more united and more in tune with the others emotional well being. We've both become so much more sensitive and selfless, a constant laying down of self. Little did we both know we had more in us to lay down!!

But this has also been the year where we've focused on what feeds our souls and what we need from each other in order to cultivate that soul feeding. We've gotten better at creating boundaries and respecting boundaries with each other, while extending so much grace. This has been the year of grace and believing fully that we are doing the best we can and that we each have the absolute best intentions.

We've been reminded time and time again that our worth is in Christ, that we are children of the King, that our measure in life is to Honor and Glorify Him with every season we find ourselves in, that our hope and identity is ultimately in Him.

And my cry, seven years ago, was that our marriage and our love for each other would Honor and Glorify Him! And that is the measure we live our life by. May we honor and glorify Him in every season.

Thank you Jesus for my husband ...for marriage...for anniversaries...and for walking with us through all the seasons of life. May You be glorified!

xoxo,

Malia

Anniversary: Here's to SIX years!

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I have written a post every year for the past five years to mark our anniversary, and although our six year anniversary has come and gone, I couldn't let another day go by without acknowledging it with words on the blog.

And let's be honest, I love being able to read over the things I have written about our marriage year after year. And I love taking the time to reflect on the growth and the changes that have happened not only in our marriage, but also in ourselves. And even though I try so hard to come up with new things to say and new words to describe our marriage, the reality is so much of what I say remains true year after year after year. However, with each passing year our story has become greater, our love for each other deeper, and our faith even stronger.

And although the wedding day does in fact seem like it was 6 years ago and 2 babies ago. I look at that young thing in the photos and I remember her. Oh do I remember her! And I remember the joy and the anticipation she felt that day.

And I can't help but think what would I have said to her....what would I have said to my prewife self? Probably something like...He may drive you crazy sometimes, but he will also bring you so much joy and he will make you laugh like none other. And he knows you. You have absolutely no idea what awaits you. Your first apartment, a job change, home ownership, a baby, another job change, and another baby, and through it all God has used your community to bless you tremendously with so much support. If the walls of your home could talk, they would speak of the love and the laughter...they would speak of the joy and the tears. They would speak of the glorifying God moments and the not so glorifying moments because let's be honest, we definitely have those and they would speak of the abounding grace.

But they would also speak of the history, the rich history that Peter and I now have after all these years. The story God is writing for us is beautiful. And I must say it is beautiful to be known so deeply and intimately by another human being.

And this human being knew that in order for me to be fully present with him, he was going to have to take me away and remove me from my natural habitat. So to celebrate our anniversary this year, we left Jack with the grandparents and headed off an adventure with just Ryan. We were destined for a weekend of camping, which in my mind means days without showering, sleeping on a blow up mattress, and no internet access.

If I'm incredibly honest, I was a little hesitant about it all considering we've never done this together before. I mean how were we going to spend our time? No tv? No computers? No laundry? And only one kid? I suggested we bring a laptop so we could cuddle up on our blow up mattress and watch movies, but the husband dashed that idea stating that we'd miss the nature movie of stars and sky happening right before our very eyes.

You see, the husband loves this kind of thing. He loves being cut off from the world. He loves just sitting around and talking about life. He loves cooking his food on a stove and having a fire at night. He loves it all. And I love him. And guess what, we had a great time! Who knew that it would be so good for my soul? He did.

Thank you Jesus for this man...for his heart and for our rich history.

xoxo,

Malia

Anniversary Getaway.

So we did it! We had a weekend away without the little nugget in tow. And to say I missed him is a bit of an understatement, but I had such an amazing time with the husband. It was such a fantastic way to spend our 5 year anniversary - I can't believe it's already been that long, and I just felt so incredibly blessed by my husband the entire weekend. Everything was a secret, but I accidentally found out the night before we were set to depart for our road trip. I had already packed my bags and we stayed the night at my parents house before our morning departure.

And even the road trip was fun! Peter had bought a few of my favorite road trip snacks - chocolate, beef jerky and chips and snuck them into the glove compartment for me to find en route along with a sweet card. Love his thoughtfulness, made me feel like a chump seeing as I hadn't even signed his anniversary card yet. Doh.

Anyhow, we spent the weekend doing things we wouldn't have done with Jack. We stayed up late, ate dinner late, slept in late, rode bikes into town, had a bonfire on the beach, took naps, went on a hike where I literally complained half the time. And not being bound by nap times, diaper changes, babysitters, etc was so freeing.

And our little nugget did great without us..or so the grandparents said. My mom sent me a text after the first day saying..."We are having such a great time and everything would be perfect if it wasn't for that throwing thing." Haha..he is at a stage now where he just throws everything.

It was amazing to me how easy it was to slip back into the no kid lifestyle. I mean don't get me wrong, I was begging my parents for photos, videos, updates, etc. But it was so nice not having a plan and just being spontaneous with our activities, with our time table, and truly fly by the seat of our pants and rest when we wanted to rest and be active when we wanted to be active.

And it's amazing to me how easy it is so slip back into the I have a kid lifestyle. You are active when your kids active and you have the option to rest when your kid rests.  It's just a little different!

And come Sunday we were racing to get back to our little person. But the weekend was so good and a great introductory to all of us in regards to overnights as we will be doing a longer overnight in just a few weeks. Four days and three nights away from our little person, and this time we will be a plane ride away. Here's to more time spent with my honey!!

And some pictures from the weekend at Cannon Beach.