Ryan Alexander: 2 years

Ryan by month 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15 // 16 // 17 // 18

Growing // You weigh 30 lbs (76th percentile) and you are 34 inches (66th percentile). To be honest, I'm surprised you don't weigh more than that and that you're only in the 76th percentile. You seem huge to me, but you only weigh 1 lb more than Jack did at this stage of the game.

Eating + Sleeping // You are a great eater! You love boobies (blueberries) and all sorts of berries. And you still love pancakes. You're still taking two naps, but you're in the process of going down to just one nap. You go to bed around 6 and wake up around 6:30. Some mornings you shout "Mama" or "Dada" from your bed until we come for you and some mornings we find you just reading books in your bed and playing with your little doggy! You go to bed really easily, but you just go hard and play hard until we get you into your pjs and put you into your bed. More often than not you say bye and turn away from me and fall asleep. 

Wearing // You are wearing 2T and I have transitioned a few of Jack's 3T things over to your closet. And I think you're wearing a size 5 or 6 shoe. And you are wearing size 6 diapers.

Loving //  You LOVE dancing! And you're always asking us to turn music on so you can dance - "Song, Dancing!" You just love having music on as you stomp around the house and move your head from side to side. And you LOVE to talk. You're hardly ever silent, mumbling little words to yourself or to us.

Loathing // You hate having to sit still for anything, even for eating. And you're not a huge fan of diaper changes. And you really hate when your brother steals your toys from you!

Doing // Chasing your brother around or vice versa. Running and jumping! and riding your bike and your scooter.

Words // So many words! I can't even capture them all.You are so very verbal. I closed my eyes a few days ago as I was thinking of something and you asked, "Mama, why are you sleeping?" You ask so many questions! And you're speaking in full sentences. You love to say Carry you for carry me and help you for help me. And you love saying ahmon mama for c'mon mama. So many words!


Milestones //  First haircut and a few more after that and another overnight with the Grandparents!! And another journey on an airplane and trip to Hawaii. And you celebrated your second birthday. Your first bike and scooter and your first time peeing on the potty. 

Happy {2nd} Birthday Ryan!

My Dearest Ryan,

Your birthday was 2 weeks ago, and I'm just now sitting down to write to you. It's a Friday, but we dropped your brother off at school today and I don't work today (yay!), and you're currently napping in your room, so I decided to crawl back into bed and put my fingers to the keyboard. These moments of silence and stillness are so rare these days.

And I thought, everything else can wait as I have a letter to write to my second born.

It feels so surreal to think my baby is 2 years old already and that it's been 2 years since I was pregnant. Where has the time gone?

Yet as I sit here reflecting over the past 2 years, I remember. I close my eyes, and I'm taken back to another moment in time before I knew who your two year old self would be. And I remember.

And as I read over your birth story, I remember the waiting, the anticipating. I remember the emotions, the tears, the pain, the excitement. I remember just how sick I was with a terrible cough, which was later diagnosed as bronchitis.

I remember the woman I was 2 years ago. I remember the hope for a different birth story. I remember the worship music that was playing in the background and the beautiful way your dada and our dear friend Erin gathered around me and supported me as they prayed over me and your birth. I remember the sacredness and the holiness of that birthing experience. And I remember the tears of joy and relief as you exited my body and as I praised God for the gift of a different birth story! I remember our first moments together, and I remember just how teeny tiny you were, weighing in at 5 lbs 11 oz.

Ryan Alexander, my second born, my second chance, my remaking. I saw you first as a missed period! And then came the two lines on a pregnancy test. We announced your existence to the grandparents with said pregnancy test, except this time your older brother was the one holding it! Tutu (my mom) announced your gender as well, another BOY she exclaimed. And I remember gasping, as I loudly declared another boy... BROTHERS!! Jack's going to have a brother! And eventually the fear came that your birth story would be the same as your brothers. But by the grace of God your story is different. And as thankful as I am for both experiences, I praise God for that different story. He healed me through you, you are my remaking.

I get emotional just replaying the video from the gender reveal (see post) as I had no idea what awaited me. Another Boy...Brothers. I had no idea what this even meant. But let me tell you what it means now, you my child are such a little lover, always telling everyone you come into contact with that you love them, asking for hugs and kisses. And you adore your brother. You copy him and follow him around everywhere. He drives you wild, but no one can make you laugh like he can. And when you two hug and kiss on your own accord, my heart breaks a little at the beautiful sight of it. And as your brother was walking out the door to go to school today, he said, "Oh I need to say bye to Ry guy and give him a hug and kiss." And he ran back into your room, and he squeezed you tight and smothered you with kisses and you wrapped your little arms around him and just stood there. And I found myself just watching the two of you from the hallway as I didn't want to intrude upon this beautiful moment.

Good Lord this life is such a gift. You, my son, are such a gift! I can't even put into words the joy you bring to our family. And tears begin to stream down my face as I begin to attempt to. You my son are full of joy, always. Don't get me wrong, you are definitely opinionated and so determined to get what you want when you want it, and you definitely throw your fair share of tantrums and your death grip is insane, but your belly laugh is out of this world. And your love for dancing is contagious! You're constantly declaring, "C'mon Mama, Dance!" as you reach for my hand. So I grab your little hand and turn on the music and laugh and dance with you as you wave your arms and stomp your feet. I wish you could meet your almost 2 year old self, you would just love him. He's so funny. And he thinks other people are even funnier. "Funny," your little voice declares as you belly laugh. And I'm left baffled that a 2 year old could have a sense of humor and experience joy like yours.

I can't believe I get to be your mom!

I will love you forever my sweet, sweet son.

Happy 2nd birthday Ryan Alexander!

Love,

Your Mama

Birthday Eve - Letter to Ryan

Dearest Ryan,

I'm actually writing this on your birthday, rather than on your birthday eve, but better late than never right? Just like your Birthday Eve post last year! I had the best intentions to write something last night as I was sitting and reflecting and reading over your birth story, but alas, it didn't happen. And once I did sit down for the night, I found myself sitting in front of my computer to finish some work tasks, rather than sitting in front of my computer to write about life and my emotions and your birth.

But alas, here I am! And I can't believe it's been nearly 2 years since I was pregnant. How did that happen? Feels like forever ago. Yet I was feeling all the feels last night as I baked and smothered your cake in chocolate buttercream frosting. And I just thought this time 2 years ago I was eagerly awaiting and anticipating your arrival.

I'd been in the hospital for one night already, I'd started the induction process, and I had absolutely no idea what awaited me.

I had no idea as to how long I would labor, or how much you would weigh or who you would become.

I had no idea just how wide my heart could expand and how deeply we could love you!

I had no idea just how refining these two years would be for my spirit and my soul.

I had no idea just how beautiful it would be to watch your relationship with your brother develop.

I had no idea just how deeply Jack would love you nor how thankful he would be for you.

We are so thankful for you Ryan, and we thank God for you, for your life, for your joy, for your laughter, for the 2 years we've had together. 

And I'm so thankful for your birth story. And I get even more emotional now that I know the full story, now that I've lived through it. That birthing experience rocked my world and healed me and restored me in a way I never even knew I needed. It was my second chance, and it still feels like such a gift to have had such a different story the second time around.

And last night as I held you tight, smothered you with kisses, and nuzzled your neck till you laughed, I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude. I just prayed over you and cried out to the Lord (and pleaded for so many more years of life!) with tears streaming down my face. Thank you Jesus for this boy. Thank you Jesus for the privilege of being his mama! Thank you Jesus for his joy and his love for life. May we continue to release him to You, always remembering that he is Yours. May he come to know you and not only Believe IN you, but Believe you and live by your truths. May I continue to be overwhelmed by Your goodness and Your grace. And may you grant Peter and I the wisdom and the strength to raise him up in a way that honors and glorifies you. Amen.

And then I placed you in your bed and you said bye mama. It was all just beautiful.

And then you woke up a few hours later and wouldn't go back to sleep, and you woke up your brother. So I eventually went back into your room and grabbed you out of your bed and held you against my chest. And as I felt the rise of your chest on mine, I just thought, the days are long, but the years truly are short. Before I know it, you won't be sleeping in your mini crib, and you won't be able to fit the same in my arms.

And I could get all nostalgic and sad for the years that have passed. But on the eve of your birthday, I'm filled with so much excitement, just as I was 2 years ago, as I can't wait to see who you become, to watch you grow (Lord willing), to discover more of who you are.

Love you so much!

Mama

 

Dear Jack {Here's to TWO years}

To my sweet sweet boy,

Today is your second birthday. Another year of life in the books. I can't even believe you are two years old! I can't even believe I've been a mom for TWO years. I can't even believe how fast it has gone.

And I think this second year went by even faster than the first. Sometimes I wish I could just freeze time. Freeze the joyful moments and the hard moments so that we could look back on them later in life together. I wish you could meet your 2 year old self - he's quite the character.

I never would have dreamed just how much I would love being your mom, but then again I never would have dreamed just how much I would love you!

And as we welcomed your brother into our family just a few weeks ago, I couldn't help but think about your own entrance into this world.

Oh it was all so dramatic! And if I'm honest, you are anything but that. I mean you have your moments, especially now that you are two, but I suppose that's extremely normal. All of this (Part one and Part two of your birth story) seems like such a distant memory, yet when I read over my words written a little less than two years ago, it all seems so fresh. The raw emotions of that time come flowing back and the tears stream down my face.

Oh Jack, you may have had a rough start, but you wouldn't know it now!

You have lost all remnants of your 4 lb self, and when I look back at the clothes you fit into all those years ago, I can't even believe you were that small. I keep staring at your brother and thinking, Jack was even smaller than this!

You love to laugh, give hugs and kisses to anyone and everyone, and you are a ball of energy. And you are so incredibly joyful. You are the friendliest little person and definitely an extrovert.

You are our little fighter and you are so independent and stubborn. You know what you want and you know how to get it.



You definitely keep me on my toes, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

You are just darling, and yes, I'm sure I'm biased because I'm your mom, but truly, you have the most beautiful curly hair, and you make the funniest faces and did I say that you just LOVE to laugh.

I am so proud of you. You have accomplished so much in these two years!

I praise God for your life and I'm so thankful I get the privilege of being your mom.

Love you sweet boy!

Mom (you have started calling me mom - it's so weird)